Adding Injury to Insult
"Then it happened...Jumping out of a plane with a group of fellow crazy people, a huge gust took me right before my landing and sailed me into unknown territory...Planted left foot into a damn hole. It got stuck and ripped my knee right out of the joint....Ouch-e-monga...Damn this hole."
These are the brave words from a reader who asked for some advice on how to deal with the stress of total knee construction and its aftermath. Oh, and by the way, the aftermath was a bloodbath. She had an HMO surgeon who totally botched the surgery. According to our damsel in distress, her surgeon, Sir Lancealittle, graduated at the bottom of his medical class...and she's been turned into a beautiful woman who can't walk. Fortunately, she has found a top ranking surgeon who believes he will be able to undue the physical damage of his predecessor. Still, there's the four pronged cane, top of the line crutches, crummy drugs and pool therapy. What about rehabilitation and reconstruction of the psyche?
Dear Ms. Braveheart,
I applaud the feisty, darkly humorous and angry spirit of your letter. Well-deserved righteous anger is good for the spleen (one of the few body parts not left traumatized). And while the "l"-word clearly hovers in the background, perhaps circling in for the kill, while we email, (you, know..."lawyer"), and revenge is upon your lips...Still, with your undaunted spirit, one hopes to achieve that uncommon vindictive nirvana: the state of serene outrage! So let me share a meditative visualization, unquestionably suited for your complex needs that filtered down from cyberspace. Consider adding this to your daily ritual:
Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world." The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place. What a pleasant surprise. You let them up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!...back under they go... You allow yourself as many deep breaths as you want. There now... feeling better?
Okay...now that we've provided a virtual stress cure, let me try some real life suggestions. With the right surgeon, and the commitment to rehab therapy for your mind and body, both will heal in time. It took four months of physical therapy and some of the psychological variety, for a herniated disk in my neck to decide it was tired of sending wrenching shooting pain down my left arm...but it finally, and rather suddenly, and mercifully, stopped.
Now, as for your biggest strength and liability. You are as risk taker. In addition, a talented, outrageous and funny writer. And if, as I suspect, you are hi-risk addict, we'll need to find a replacement fix. William Styron, author of such best sellers as Sophie's Choice, The Confessions of Nat Turner, once described writing in these tantalizing (for us risk-taking types) words: "The pain (of the creative process) comes from the extraordinary risk from plunging into unknown territory not really knowing whether you're going to come out alive." So, enough with the airplanes. Jump into your writer's chair, hold on to that computer of yours, explore your inner space and soar with your wicked words. And, of course, continue to seek and inject higher power, healing humor: May the Farce Be with You!
Finally, I'll close with a former column that shows my attempt to blend the comic and the tragic:
Mastery of Tragedy
Did you ever notice how, when you're feeling stressed or confronted by trying conditions, you're often really receptive to humor or fits of laughter? As the groundbreaking film director and comedic genius, Charlie Chaplin observed, "A paradoxical thing is that in making comedy the tragic is what precisely arouses the funny...we have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and (in order) not to go crazy." (Or, at least, not too crazy...author's preference.)
I can relate. In the summer of 1988, a tumor was discovered on one lobe of my thyroid. I put off having surgery for six weeks as I was teaching graduate school. Needless to say, this was "the summer of (my) discontent." There was only one way to determine if the tumor was benign or malignant...The old practice of cutthroat medicine. One activity that helped me prepare emotionally for the surgery and its aftermath was developing a humor seminar with a friend. We would introduce the world to..."tumor humor." And with the successful removal of a benign nodule, along with my right lobe, I could light-heartedly improvise upon and whole-heartedly agree with the old proverb: "Half a lobe is better than none."
As a psychiatrist, whose name escapes me, noted: "What was once feared and is now mastered is laughed at." And, as I inverted: "What was once feared and is laughed at is no longer a master!"
Just remember..Practice Safe Stress!
Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.
Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych . His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com