Being Real...Faking Fun

Well I'm definitely into my busy season. Workshops and requests for speaking programs are starting to consume an increasingly large part of my time. Also, I'm still slugging out writing a book proposal for a publishing house. An editor found my website last Fall. She emailed saying she thought there was a book in my "psychohumor" essays. Well we've been doing the editor-author dance ever since. And I'm not sure how great a leader she is...and I certainly know I don't make a very good follower. But, despite ourselves, we're making progress. This is just a long way of saying that I'll be using guest writers, off and on, to help me keep the column dancing. So please, if you have a poignantly funny story, or can tell a poignat story with some insightful humor, please send your gift. I will gladly credit you.

An essay came in recently with a combination of self-awareness and high energy. Arleen (ccall@best.com) you certainly demonstrate an ability to confront yourself, lampoon the helping profession, and challenge many of us struggling with loss and depression. And, while I appreciate her advocacy re: faking emotions, I'll modify Arleen's injunction to this degree: when you've done real head work and heart work and, sometimes, hormonal work (reminds me of the title of my monologue - "His Moans, Her Moans, Hormones") then you can fake an attitude, and make it work! Arleen, take it away...

Faking it isnt always bad. Mind you - I consider myself a very honest, direct to a fault, type of individual. But, one day I told a friend who was always whining and complaining to get a life and not take everything o seriously. Figured I should take my own advice. After spending two and a half years in an ugly, expensive divorce which ended (the property part anyway) in an 8 day trial, followed by a wasted 2 year relationship with a man I had no intention of spending my life with and didnt love, only to be followed by falling truly in love - just to be dumped after being courted beyond any womans wildest dreams - I was severely, clinically, completely depressed. We are talking medically depressed. Wearing rumpled clothes to work, not doing dishes for weeks, breaking into tears any moment I was alone - and sometimes when I wasnt. This was not the strong, positive person everyone thought they knew in me!

My doctor brother saw the symptoms I hid so well from the rest of the world. He told me to see a shrink and get some Prozac. I was sure I would gun down the entire male population should I ever hold a weapon under such influence. After not managing to make it through a day at work without breaking down in tears again, I sought out a shrink. I called 18 of them out of the yellow pages. All I got was answering machines - half of which said that they were not taking on any new patients. I figured I should be so lucky as to be in the shrink business! I called a referral hotline. They only listed shrinks from out of town! I called the local hospitals - which referred me to more shrink answering machines. I kept thinking that if I was seriously contemplating suicide I would be dead before ever talking with a mental health professional live! (Mind you - my mother is a professor of psychiatric nursing!)

The next day I received a return call. By this time I had enough composure to make an appointment for several days later. When meeting with this kindly elder man, I let him know little more than my name rank and serial number. He prescribed Wellbutrin - an enzyme I was told. At least I wouldnt get high and want to nuke someone! I truly dont know how I made it through the next couple months. Perhaps the one thing that did help was my shrink's insight that I was at a major turning point of my life. I had never thought of that. I just knew nothing was working. I had never mourned my failed marriage. Never mourned the demise of my business during this time; just was trying to make payroll and keep my kid healthy.

I went out with men when my daughter was with her father. Looking back, I see I did everything possible to turn these guys OFF! Im sure my Lord carried me through as well, as my footprints certainly werent showing up anywhere! It was like I just disappeared! I couldnt complain. Everyone I knew depended on me. Especially my best friend who was undergoing treatment for breast cancer. How could I complain? POOF! I was gone - though my body was a walking zombie.

How did I come back to this dimension? Im not saying I really have. But I am finding a new one, one I like even better. The dishes are still undone. The house is a mess. I am dating steadily a man who would walk down the aisle with me tomorrow if I gave the word. Yet, Ive not even slept with him yet. I know me. If I do this twisted womans mind will be forced to call it love and make it a committed relationship. So, as horny as I get - I refrain until the head will follow loyally.

I have risked my company of 14 years and completely changed what we do. And I am loving my work again! I work in a male dominated field -- innocent flirting does wonders for the soul and ego. I had to fake an upbeat attitude. People loved talking and working with me! I was so energizing for them! Somehow, in the midst of my getting them off - so did I! Im flying! I predict I will have my best year ever for my business! My daughter thinks I am way too fun! (Shes 9) I have so many social requests. I must respectfully decline most. I am still a few (try 50) pounds overweight...but the attention is mind boggling! Ive managed to like myself again despite the dirty house and out of shape bod.

My secret is simple - pull yourself up by faking it. Fake that you are having a wonderful time at everything you do! Tell jokes! It doesnt matter that you got them somewhere else! Laugh at other peoples jokes! And for Gods sake - learn to laugh at yourself! Ive got a long ways to go. But, Im going to have fun getting there. Or fake it - at least everyone else has fun that way. I still havent figured out a way to make someone else smile - and not crack one myself!

The ABCs of Faking It! 1) Smile till your cheeks hurt! 2) Ladies - put your makeup on! 3) Subscribe to joke lists and repeat them to people! 4) When you do something embarrassing - laugh at yourself! 5) Go to a comedy club 6) Stop listening to sad love-gone-wrong songs on the radio! 7) Flirt with someone you dont know - tastefully - we dont want trouble 8) Stop Whining and Complaining 9) Watch small children at play 10) Pretend you are having the time of your life at whatever it is you are doing!

CAUTION! The above procedures may lead to smiling without meaning to. And, if you follow, our ladies process and spirit, you'll be...Practicing Safe Stress!

Special Announcements:

a) email if you'd like to subscribe to my new, free newsletter, b) Leading a "Shrink Rap and Group Chat" for Digital City-Washington, the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 9-10pm EDT. Field questions on stress, relationship issues, school/job problems, career transition, etc. Definitely a lively hour. Here's the link: <A HREF="aol://4344:363.gorkin.5732839.568857121">Chat with the Stress Doc</A> c) Starting a Multi-Media Coaching for Consultants Program, especially (though not exclusively) for allied/mental health professionals, organizational trainers and consultants, counselors and educators. For info on the products and instructional services, including: ** one-on-one online consultation and group chat ** copywriting and humor writing; website design ** bulletin board access... email me at Stress Doc@aol.com.

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you.