Escaping Early Black Hole Burnout: Part II
Strategies for Personal Recovery
Part I ended with an inspiring note from a reader who, despite post-layoff burnout trauma, within a couple of months, was able to grieve and find a job that helped renew the faith, energy and spirit. For others, release and rejuvenation will not be so quick or dramatic; there's a long emotional road to hoe. For a current client, her ten years as a paralegal at a high stress, adversarial atmosphere law firm (you know the "A" in Type A is for Attorney) was akin to a battered marriage. Of course, a somewhat rigid perfectionism, being allergic to conflict and a fear of displeasing or disappointing others, contributed to her vulnerability and stasis. Two years of group therapy and some individual coaching was necessary for her to break free from a state of psychological and vocational servitude. Learning to limit the amount of time spent at work and to set boundaries on the aggressive and inappropriately demanding attorneys was the key to seeing a possible opening. Rebuilding her emotional and communicational muscle and self-worth catalyzed her exodus and entry into a promising new job.
Personal Burnout Redux
Returning to my burnout odyssey, the job to school shift got me outside the burnout box. However, if the underlying fear and fantasies, shame and grandiosity - the egoal issues - are not addressed, psycho-history will likely repeat itself. A number of you may recall my dissertation burnout in New Orleans. This was a historical period when all my neurotic energy and all my creative energy collided...The result was a spiritual and mental maelstrom. (It certainly gave my father a "mental hernia.") After months of deeply grieving past hurts, I tried to convert a mystical-like experience in psychoanalysis into a dissertation pursuit. I was defying convention, rationality and authority. Talk about off the academic wall! All those years of intellectual inadequacy would be erased by one great achievement. Talk about magical thinking.
Two years later, driven to exhaustion, (self)-defeated, exhibiting definite chronic stress symptoms, like vertigo...let's talk about "when academic flashdancing whirled to a burnout tango." And I had to leave the dissertation dance floor for good.
Personal Recovery
How did I recover from my dissertation trauma? Let me outline key components, including the "Four 'R's" of rehabilitation and rejuvenation:
1. Good Grief. I did a lot of grieving with friends. I needed to know they still loved and respected me despite my feelings of academic and personal humiliation. I had failed again! Never mind that I had created a wildly creative verbal-visualspatial mandala-map of self-actualization or Jungian individuation (psychological wholeness through reconciling psychic opposition, e.g., the conscious and unconscious, masculine and feminine, introversion and extraversion, etc.) Forget the fact that this experience had clarified my life's purpose -- uncovering, discovering and creatively expressing my inner world...All that mattered is that I had not achieved the impossible. (If I'd been in the Fine Arts department they probably would have granted me an honorary degree, if only to set this wild man free.)
2. The Four "R"s of Burnout Recovery: Running, Reading, Retreating and Writing.
a. Running. After regaining my energy and balance, I started a regimen of daily jogging. First, I got those mood enhancing endorphins pumping. Also, running or jogging is great for grounding you when you're feeling vulnerable or your life feels uncertain and up in the air. There's a beginning and end point, with a tangible sense of control and accomplishment. b. Reading. The other endorphin producer was reading humorous novels. (As previously indicated, laughing with gusto is like turning your body into a big vibrator giving vital organs a brief but vigorous internal massage.) Two selections that come to mind were, The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger and Portnoy's Complaint, by Philip Roth. As the erosive effects of burnout had spiraled my laughter energy and humorous mindset had withered. How wonderful it was to laugh again. These two books also helped me chuckle at the absurdity of my own outrageous egoal quest. Self-accepting laughter is a great antidote to shame. What was once feared and is now laughed at is no longer a master...or a doctoral student...And my academic Waterloo gradually became okay. c. Retreating. Now I needed time to reflect on this ego and identity shattering process. I realized my essence was not well-suited to academia. The key existential biggies: Who was I? What were my skills, gifts and talents? What were the emotional, knowledge and learning gaps? What direction(s) and what enterprises really felt like me? The blank canvas is scary. There's no absolute way or pre-existing structure. The blank canvas is exciting. There's no absolute truth or pre-existing limits. To paraphrase Walt Whitman: Follow the open road and discover or recover your soul. d. Writing. Reading for enlightenment followed the lighthearted variety. I started devouring books about burnout, and then began to write about it. Initially, I played burnout battlefront correspondent, detailing the perspectives of a client and a friend doing daily battle in the legal field. In reality, the words were a transparent disguise of my recent blood, sweat and tears. Using the writing as a networking tool led to a speaking engagement on burnout at a regional paralegal conference. My speech was turned into an article for two national paralegal magazines. (Bless my heart, this was the first major writing I had done since dropping out of the doctoral program. You know my effort was overdetermined.) Two new career components were consolidating - professional speaking and writing. This academic lemon would make lemonade. I would become an expert on stress and burnout...and spread the word far and wide. (Obviously, once an egoal-driven narcissist...)
3. Transition and Diversification. I began to realize a burnout recovery- prevention mantra: Fireproof your life with variety! Initially, this entailed working part-time as a staff trainer and therapist at a family services agency in New Orleans. With energy, confidence and a sense of resilience, I started building a private practice as well. Eventually, I went from employee to self-employed. I was ready to transform a recent crisis into a career opportunity: Along with my writing, I began marketing workshops and training seminars on stress and burnout, and was also teaching "Crisis Intervention and Brief Treatment" as adjunct faculty at Tulane's Graduate School of Social Work. Clearly, I was cooking up a challenging and energizing career path gumbo.
Of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone...I broke into Cable TV as a stress expert; that's another exhausting, "high anxiety" story. (Which I've captured in an article titled, "Creative Risk-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder." Email me for a copy. Okay, so I should probably join an AA 12-step group: Adrenalin Anonymous.) After a stint on Cable and some inserts for Public Television - on stress and burnout as well as Mardi Gras and creativity - there was a run on radio. I wrote and delivered psychology essays for a twice/week drive time feature called "Stress Brake." (This was back in the mid '80s. We really did anticipate "road rage.")
So, an alternative to getting consumed by one job is to diversify your path, positions and projects. Weave these three into an uncommon career tapestry. Even if one or two strands weaken, loosen or start getting frayed, the safety net-work will likely hold.
Closing
Three key approaches for rebuilding your fire have been outlined: grieivng loss and shame with trusted people, practicing "The Four 'R's" for initial burnout recovery and, then, developing skills and strategies for eventual career transition and diversification.
The final segment of the series will examine a non-egoal driven exhaustion experience, coming later in my career: surviving the role of stress and violence prevention consultant for the United States Postal Service!
Until then, as always...Practice Safe Stress!
Special Announcement: I am starting a Multi-Media Coaching for Consultants Program, especially (though not exclusively) for allied/mental health professionals, organizational trainers and consultants, counselors and educators. For information on the products and instructional services, including one-on-one online consultation, bulletin board access and particpation in a chat/support group, email me at Stress Doc@aol.com
Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you.