The Stress Doc responds to a student's request for factors that make the college selection process stressful. The Doc shares ideas related to both the application process and, once getting in, the survival one.

College Survival: Getting In and Staying In

Brainshowr writes: We are trying to put together a research article concerning the many stress factors involved with choosing a college...any suggestions for any related articles? Thank you.

Hi,

I'll first throw out some applying for college skills, then followup with an article on surviving the first year of college. To good adventures.

1. It's hard not to let your self esteem get caught up in the acceptance or rejection process. While getting into Harvard or Stanford definitely has prestige factor, future success is certainly not limited by the school, but by how you learn to learn, how you become passionate, disciplined, risk-taking, persistent, learn to find new ways of looking at or thinking about your area(s) of interest.

Also, try not to get overly caught up in social comparison with peers and the schools they are going to. Again, how you engage in your first couple of years at college will provide much data for next steps.

2. It's also important to know that if you don't get into a preferred school, or if you do get into a desired school, and things don't work out, it's not an absolute or irreparable failure. You definitely can transfer. And likely after your first or second year, you'll even have a better idea of the school you would like to attend.

3. Don't feel overly pressured to know what you are going to major in before you've even started college. Of course, some folks know they were meant to be premed right out of the crib. But most will want to use the first year or two to do some exploration, to get a better feel for your talents, passions, strengths and vulnerabilities in particular subject areas.

4. Try to utilize the counseling and advisory services provided by the college both before and after your acceptance. In hindsight, I wish I had taken advantage of the psychological counseling services while I was in college. I was too ashamed to admit I need some guidance, not just in my choice of major, but in helping me to mature emotionally and adjust to being away from home.

I guess the implication here is that this might be a good time for students to speak to a counselor if they are overly anxious about college selection. Some of this anxiety may have more to do with psychological issues, separation from family, self-esteem and confidence concerns, etc., not simply college selection. A few sessions with a counselor or psychotherapist might be like getting your car checked up before embarking on a cross country trip.

5. Also, here's an article I wrote last year that may be helpful: "Surviving the First Year of College."

The "Stress Doc's" First Year Survival Tips

How to survive the first year of college? That's the question posed by Jen Ryden (Snowbun601@aol.com ) Feature Editor of her college newspaper, The Advocate. Jen also asked for some tips on overcoming procrastination for first year students at Bellevue Community College in Bellevue, WA,. First, I'll present some transition to college guidelines. Then, I'll delineate several liberating strategies for discovering life after deadlines. Learn to boldly declare your "emancipation procrastination."

Let me acknowledge that my transition to college was not an easy or smooth one. I started with a lot of doubts about being "smart enough." I also had trouble concentrating on my studies and probably was too pleasing or too nice with my roommates. Finally, having gone to an "all boys" high school before starting a coed university, my testostrone was working overtime. (Too bad my brain chemistry couldn't have been so engaged.) So, if I had to do it over again...here are The Stress Doc's First Year College Survivial Tips:

1. Know It's a Big Transition. Anytime you undertake a major change or new experience, you confront four key losses: a) loss of the familiar past (not that you absolutely cut the ties back home, but former relations may not be quite the same), b) loss of some future predictability (while uncertainty or anxiety may be stirred by this new challenge, this loss can also evoke excitement), c) loss of face or, at least, fears of failure, rejection and shame, and d) loss of focus, that is, how do you make sense of the fluid situation; how can you harness, once again, internal energy and external resources and set goals for surviving and thriving this transition.

Stress and anxiety are natural companions as you embark on this new journey. So too are frat parties. More than one round of excess drinking...consider the following: If you are feeling stress overload, stop by the student health center, and speak to a counselor. If your school doesn't have a peer support group or a peer mentoring/tutoring service, perhaps it can start one. (A therapy group for students at Tulane University helped me survive graduate statistics.) So confront any fear, depression or shame. And tell them the Stress Doc sent you ;-)

2. Enlightening Your Course Load. In hindsight, I don't think I was ready to take five courses a semester my first year of college. Information and task overload. Wasn't able to devote enough time to class preparation, reading, homework, study, tests, papers, etc. I would have done better spreading credits throughout the entire year, that is, using summer school for the fifth course, or even lightening my sophmore load. By cramming to keep up - in my weird way of thinking, it was wimpy to take only four courses - I certainly wasn't able to explore a subject in depth or be a particularly creative student.

3. Setting Goals. I'm not a great goal setter, probably because I value the means as much, if not more, than the ends. For me, the process is what ultimately shapes the output, especially when seeking surprising and uncommon results. (Though I do recall a professor reminding me, when I was into endless exploration as a doctoral student, that the noun that goes with the adjective "productive" is "product!") It's not that I'm against goals. I just find setting up experiments to be more effective. I get quicker feedback this way; easier and earlier course correction. When a new project or procedure is an experiment, the pressure to succeed doesn't seem so demanding. I can take more risks, make more errors, be more deviant in my thinking. Goals should have flexibility, not be set in stone. A rigid focus curtails both exploration and innovation.

Speaking of flexible goals, consider the concept of "selective perfection." Getting As and Bs in all your courses is a real achievement. However, constraints on time, energy and motivation may circumscribe the pusuit of excellence and grade point average. Maybe there's several classes you want to go all out. One or two you will do "good enough." Of course, don't just go all out on the fluff stuff. Pursue with intensity those classes related to long term desires and dreams, including the tough foundational courses.

4. Passion, Priorities and Pathways. It's okay not to have your major down pat. It's often necessary the first year to search out subject areas or courses for which you have a sense of genuine purpose or passion. Or, if you are pre-law because there's a long line of attorneys in your family, but you're tired of lawyer jokes and your heart is into computer programming or you dream of becoming a novelist...DO WHAT YOU LOVE!

Also, if you have a long term perspective, you can mix the practical and the passionate, as well as diverse fields. For example, Anton Chekov, physician and playwright, observed: "Medicine is my lawful wife and literature is my mistress. When I get tired of one, I spend the night with the other. Though it's disorderly, it's not really so dull, and besides, neither really loses anything through my infidelity."

If you become really good in a field, and you still have other skills and dreams, you can eventually jump the career ship or reroute the voyage. You usually don't have to live with the choices you make (or don't make) in college for the rest of your life! In an evolutionary process, I've grappled with integrating my calling for psychology and being a therapist with a passion for humor, writing and public speaking. The result: my unpredictable, stressful and joyful journey as a multi-media psychohumorist. There's one caveat (actually, two caveats...I'm about to mix metaphors): you may have to be willing to wander in the creative desert for a number of years before reaching "The Promised Career." (Or, as I like to say, I'm on the verge of becoming a 20 year overnight success. Hey, that's not bad. After escaping bondage from Egypt, Moses and the Jews were lost for forty years! And I've never heard him accused of being an idle or idol dreamer, nor even a drifter. Of course, it probably didn't hurt Moses' resume that Charton Heston played him in the blockbuster movie.)

5. Dealing with Stress Carriers. Ever have to deal with a roommate, friend or colleague who knows it all and is quick to point out everyone else's errors? Usually, this person is feeling pretty insecure. And the person's answer for everything is probably inversely proportional to his or her self- worth. Still, there's a limit to one's patience and understanding. And when that happens...consider these two approaches. First, there's the memorable quote from the French author, Andre Gide, in his book The Immoralist. It's a quote that I memorized years ago when dealing with an all-knowing family member: "One must allow other's to be right. It consoles them for not being anything else." Now I'm not saying to hit your omnicient antagonist with these words. Just hold on to Gide for your self-assurance and sanity.

And second, with practice, you can even come to your own verbal defense. I recall an exchange with my five year younger brother, a research psychologist; not a therapist. One day I was telling Larry about some difficult work I had done with a family, some family interventions that I thought were both creative and effective. Upon hearing my description, my brother pipes in, "You should have said such and such to the father." I was struck by the witty but pretty insensitive suggestion, and grimaced. Seeing my expression my brother quickly pounced, "What's the matter, you afraid the father would punch you out." At this point I counterpunched. "No, I have a higher standard of plagiarism!"

6. Forget About Being Mr. or Ms. Popularity. A big mistake first year students often make is linking esteem or worth to the number of friends they or others have. Hey, maybe I'm a bit weird, but I'd rather be truly connected to one or two friends with whom I can genuinely share feelings -- the good and the bad. I can't get real close to a dozen people at one time.

Find a buddy with whom you can share activities or hobbies that excite you. Those who have read my Teen Depression Series (AOL, Keyword: Stress Doc or http://www.stressdoc.com ) know I strongly encourage adolescents and young adults to explore their creative side. Persisting in solitary or artistic endeavors, seeing your skills evolve, builds self-esteem and self-reliance. So harness those raging hormones into a passionate pursuit, such as writing, painting or, even, in group performance, for example, theatre or team sports. And, when I mention pursuing one's passion, I'm not talking about going symbiotically steady with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Now's the time to explore and develop your individual gifts, talents and dreams.