Confronting the Intimate FOE

 How do you feel about speaking in public? Do you know that more people dread the thought of speaking in front of a large audience than they do contemplating their own death? Of course, I've had to grapple with both: I've died many times as a speaker! Let me tell you about the most agonizing; ironically, not in front of a live audience. It was my first night hosting a Cable TV health feature, "The Mind-Body Connection." Cable had just come to New Orleans. It all happened rather suddenly. Two days after meeting the Executive Producer, I was on the air. But I had talked to live audiences on stress many times before...How difficult could this be?

 As I've come to appreciate: "The only thing more dangerous than taking a big risk, or taking no risk, is taking a risk while minimizing the precarious reality of the situation." As soon as I walked into that primitive studio, I was in trouble. The lights were glaring, the air conditioning had to be shut down because it made too much noise; I'm sweating, starting to tremble...And then this one-eyed fore-fingered monster comes at me (the cameraman) counting down from four to one. He throws the finger at me. I feel I'm on the wrong end of a firing squad. (I abhor smoking, but even I was ready to ask for a cigarette.) I try to talk and literally freeze. Finally words stagger out of my mouth: "Hello, this is Mark Gorkin, a stress expert...and I think I'm giving you a live demonstration." Somehow, after an interminable eight minutes, I crawled to the taping finish line. After picking up my blood and guts, I was ready to slink out of the studio, thinking the worst was over.

 But no, we needed to play back the tape. As I'm watching this horror show and cringing visibly, the cameraman comes over. In what I think to be a gesture of solace for the novice, he puts his arm on my shoulder and says, "Don't worry; we'll be able to use this for our bloopers special." Thanks, I needed that.

 Actually, the next day in post-production we cleaned up my blood and guts, and it wasn't all that bad. Of course, like a madman, I memorized five typed pages of script for the next taping. While hardly natural, the taping was a big improvement. By the third show, I got smart. I brought on a guest. But this undertaking was destined to be a life experience that would consistently challenge a need for control and my perfectionistic tendencies. It was Thanksgiving week and we were shooting outdoors live on top of the building. They had a fabulous Cajun spread. Small palm trees as props. I had my guest. What could be better? Well, don't ever try to do an outside shoot in gale wind conditions. You know it. In the middle of the interview, a swirling gust uproots a potted palm depositing it in our laps.

 Every week, basically, I felt I was pulling or having my pants pulled down in front of the camera. While the experience probably aged me, I have to admit hanging in their (despite feeling I was just hanging out), helped me learn to go with the flow. And, most important, I learned to confront "The Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure."

 Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!