Desperately Seeking Humor

Help!! Midterms and finals, papers and class presentations are rapidly approaching in the high schools and college campuses. I'm being bombarded by urgent, time-sensitive requests for information on the role of humor in dealing with stress. Unfortunately, when it comes to sharing humor material, sometimes I don't know when to stop. Usually, I just refer people to my online article, "On Becoming a Psychohumorist," which can be found on my website: www.stressdoc.com. (An edited version was recently published in the national mental health publication, Paradigm Magazine.) But the emailed questions are quite pointed. So, akin to when a meeting planner or human resources professional asks me to send information about my speaking programs, this largess comes with a warning. Here it is: Everything You Wanted To Know About the Stress Doc's Take On Stress and Humor...and Aren't You Sorry You Asked!

The Stress Doc's "Top Ten" Guide to Stress and Humor or How to Become a Psychohumorist (tm)

1. What is humor and how does it differ from wit? According to The Random House Dictionary of the English Language, Unabridged Edition, humor is "the recognition and expression of incongruities or peculiarities in a situation or character...It illustrates some fundamental absurdity in human nature or conduct." Humor often involves someone or something being observed, there's frequently a visual or nonverbal component, and it is silly or playful.

Now take a breath. The discourse gets worse before it gets better. Wit, in contrast, "is the quick apprehension and ingenuous and apt expression of the connections or analagous properties between things seemingly unlike." Mark Twain has an elegant, living explanation: "Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation." Hopefully, my mental marriages of "Psychohumorist," "Shrink Rap" (tm) and "Practicing Safe Stress" are more ingenuous than incestuous and are not products of shotgun weddings.

Wit, more than humor, originates in the observer; wit is highly verbal, clever and artful. I believe it was the late comic actor, Bert Lahr, who distinguished between, "saying funny things (wit) and saying things in a funny way" (nonverbal humor). Wit, also, has more of a cutting quality than humor. I visualize it this way. Letting the air out of a balloon depicts humor. Pricking an inflated balloon is wit. As Shakespeare noted, "Brevity is the soul of wit."

Wit: Wily, Wicked or Wise

Let's try some brief "Tongue Fooey"* one liners. Can you think of situations where these might apply?

** Difference and Disagreement =/= Disapproval and Disloyalty ** A firm "no" a day keeps the ulcers away, and the hostilities too! ** I'm sorry you're feeling so disagreeable. ** The Law of the Loyalty Loop: Those who never want you to answer back, always want you to back their answer. ** The Basic Law of Safe Stress: Do know your limits and don't limit your "no"s! ** You're only young once, but you can be immature forever. ** Roseanne Barr: "I'm truly amazed at your total recall of all things imaginary." ** And my all time favorite, by French author, Andre Gide: "One must allow others to be right...It consoles them for not being anything else."

*Tongue Fu, I believe, is the clever invention of humorist, Dr. Joel Goodman. Hey, when it comes to being funny or clever, you don't have to reinvent the humor wheel. Just carry around some spare tirades. Ouch! At the farther boundaries of humor lies the ridiculous. At the edge of wit lies ridicule. I'll entertain these differences in a future column when I focus on hostile vs. healing humor.

Disarming Humor

When wit teams up with humor, and plays the verbal off the nonverbal, it can help humanize the world, or even the Postal Service. Let me illustrate with a story: One day while walking "the beat" as a stress consultant at a large US Postal Processing & Distribution Plant, I came across a handful of folks on break at their workstation. In particular, this guy and gal seemed to be playfully and seductively bantering. However, the playful give and take suddenly escalated in testiness and tone, if not, testosterone. The guy said something the woman found real crude. Wow...she went into action. First, she gave him a hard stare, and then she reflexively mouthed an expletive while throwing him the proverbial finger. Now the chorus piped up: "Be careful, this is the company shrink." And then our male antagonist challenged me to take sides by provocatively asking, "So what do you think about what she just did?" It took a couple of seconds to regain my composure. "What do I think?," I calmly replied. "I just think she thinks you're # 1"...and kept on walking, with group laughter in the background. The moral: sometimes everybody wins when no one is on top!

The Creativity Connection

And while focusing on the differences between humor and wit, let's not overlook their relation to creativity. A psychology researcher has shown that subjects who watched some television bloopers before subsequent problem-solving tasks were more creative than even comparably matched subjects who exercised before their task. (Though I suspect people who rarely watch the boob tube would tend to be more creative than both groups. One day, I'll write about not having a TV for the past seven years.)

In addition, author and philosopher, Arthur Koestler, in his classic text, The Act of Creation, noted the mental and vocal connection between creativity and art appreciation, scientific discovery and humor. In each of these three creative undertakings, we connect two or more seemingly unrelated or contradictory ideas or elements (Twain's surprising union) and suddenly "get it." With art, we say "Ah," in science, "Aha!" and when we laugh it's "Ha-ha."

So, as I go through the "Top Ten," my goal will be: a) to provide basic information on stress and it's link to variations on humor and wit and b) insight into, plus application skills for, transforming stress into laughter, laughing at into laughing with, and "Ha-ha" into "Aha" humor. Until next time...Practice Safe Stress!

Special Announcement: I am starting a Multi-Media Coaching for Consultants Program, especially (though not exclusively) for allied/mental health professionals, organizational trainers and consultants, counselors and educators. For information on the products and instructional services, including one-on-one online consultation, bulletin board access and particpation in a chat/support group, email me at Stress Doc@aol.com

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- <A HREF="http://hfte.funnytown.com/">HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE</A> . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- <A HREF="aol://4344:972.doc.1264535.55672320 7">ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC</A> and Financial Services Journal Online - - http://fsc.fsonline.com/fsj . And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com or click <A HREF="http://www.stressd oc.com/">STRESS DOC HOMEPAGE</A>. (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site.")