Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1) Favoritism, Jealousy and Unfair Promotion
2) Reporting to Too Many Supervisors and a Nit Picker

I FEEL LIKE THE NEW GUY AT WORK HAS REALLY GOTTEN IN GOOD WITH MY BOSS. WE SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY BUT FOR SOME REASON MY BOSS REALLY LIKES HIS KISSING UP. I FEEL LIKE I'M LURKING IN THE SHADOWS OF "THE NEW GUY." I BASICALLY HIRED AND TRAINED HIM BUT ALREADY HE SEEMS TO HAVE ADVANCED ABOVE ME. SHOULD I BE SO JEALOUS? OR SHOULD I JUST TAKE THIS AS A LEARNING EXPERIENCE AND MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE?

A. If you were highly self-actualized (perhaps a ninth degree Zen Master) or operating solely on robotic-like artificial intelligence, perhaps you could calmly see this as solely a learning experience. Being human (I will assume) with strengths and vulnerabilities like most of us, a sense of unfairness and some feelings of jealousy seems quite understandable. This is especially true if you are being objective regarding the "kissing up" advantage. I still have occasional murderous dreams about that 7th grade suck up Eric Dulberg.

Try having a conversation with your boss. He or she is the real culprit in this scenario. Inquire about your advancement track; what are the current promotional criterion in light of some recent office developments. And of course, nail down as best you can the specific goals/outputs achieved conditions, etc., that would lead to your advancement. At the same time, I'd be advancing your resume into new company doors.

Q. Too many supervisors. On my team of 40 people which is broken into sub- teams, I have 4 people that I have to report to. Then I have another person whom I do not work directly with. That is where the real issue is. If I so much as leave 5 minutes early and tell her to her face that I am leaving she still has a problem. She asks that I communicate with her then when I do, she still acts like a jackass. I am sick of her, I do not want her to be my supervisor anymore and I am sick of her "talks." I work hard and she nit picks. Well, I don't have and nits which is probably why she drives me crazy!

A. Good you've maintained some sense of humor in this hierarchical dysfunctionality. Maybe you need to have a meeting of all these chiefs and let them know that with this supervisory setup, one of their Indians is about to go on the warpath. (Are you the only disgruntled warrior?) Or, if you have a positive relationship with one of the people you report to, perhaps, he or she, with you present (my preference) or without you, can talk to your chief "antago-nit!"

>From a broader perspective, sounds like there's a need for organizational restructuring and better top management leadership. Reporting to five people is dubious at best. Is there anyone in Human Resources with whom to consult? Or an Employee Assistance Program Counselor to strategize with?

Finally, why does this nemesis seem so obsessed with nits? Perhaps she feels competitive or envious of you or your other bosses. In any event, don't succumb to her petty picking. Let her be the nit, you be the wit and, when you two interact, the nitwit will be evident.

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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