Feast, Fat and Fast Food for Thought

Last time, I shared an association test to illustrate the importance of thinking oppositionally and of learning to embrace contradiction. Let's inverse our approach. What happens when a person is contradiction-averse and knows there is "only one right way." (Forgive me if I'm being redundant here.) He or she often embodies "The Three 'R's of Restrictive Revelation": Rigid, Righteous and Rabid.

 Here are two examples, one from art, the other from life. The first is a New Yorker cartoon. A meek and impoverished looking Charles Dickens stands before the massive desk of his publisher. Pompous Pub looms large wearing a finely tailored suit and an arrogant look. Having just read the manuscript of A Tale of Two Cities, the publisher now reminds the humble scribe: "Now really, Mr. Dickens. Was it the 'best of times' or was it 'the worst of times?' It could scarcely have been both!"

 Of course, the self-righteous come in all shapes and sizes including, on occasion, the psychohumorist variety. Here's a "Safe Stress" story of my fighting a "3 R" fire with ironical ire. And while I defused my antagonist, in truth, both parties were somewhat burned. I was leading a two day Stress Management workshop in Salt Lake City, Utah for a federal government agency. The first day seemed to go well. The most tangible evidence being that the next morning a few folks initiated buying donuts for all 40 participants. So a variety of donuts are being distributed before the class formally starts. All of a sudden, a male audience member, who later identified himself as a Mormon, begins vehemently protesting. "You call yourself a stress expert, and you're going to allow them to pass out those donuts; with all that fat and sugar."

 I must admit I was taken aback. I acknowledged his beliefs and my being concerned about the nutritional issues as regards stress and physical health, as well as psychological well-being. (A few years earlier, for a legal magazine, I had written about changing my diet and exercise regimen. I always liked the title of the article: "Hard Realities vs. Hard Arteries: Fat Food for Thought.") Before I could finish, our pedantic protester cuts me off, continues the challenge, and now declares: "How can I trust anything you say about stress, when you take such a hypocritical position!" Trying to be reasonable, I again agree with some of his concerns, but I also recognize the buying and sharing of donuts as a real form of social nurturance and support. Both of which are important for relieving stress and building emotional health and morale.

 Our nutritional moralist seems undaunted. I'm also realizing the entire group is getting agitated by this confrontation, though no one has said anything. I don't want to lose control of the positive learning and sharing atmosphere, nor do I want the audience to lose trust in my capacity for leadership. The tension reaches a critical point. I reflexively go into a self-effacing survival mode and reply with maybe a shade too much impatience and irony: "Well, I guess the only way I can justify my behavior is to paraphrase Ralph Waldo Emerson: '(Too much) consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.'"

 A woman from the audience fairly shouts, "That's a good one." The confrontational standoff is over. My antagonist is disarmed and deflated. At the time, I mostly thought I was poking fun at myself to get Mr. Moralist off my back. But in hindsight, I wasn't simply self-lampooning, but was also wielding a witty weapon.

 Today, when I share this story with counselors, educators or trainers, a number gasp, groan or grimace. I truly did cut down Mr. Mormon in public. I was not psychologically correct, for which I have conflicting thoughts. And yet, in the spirit of embracing contradiction, my counter ultimately had a healing effect. By the afternoon, Mr. M. could venture out of his shell, this time without fighting dietary demons or Stress Docs. With the help of a group exercise, he began to acknowledge his intense feelings of work burnout. This level of honesty and vulnerability was made possible by disarming his previous offensive defensiveness. And it garnered him, not the moral high ground, but down to earth emotional sustenance and problem-solving support from colleagues.

 The moral: by pursuing understanding, the healing process and a zest for contradiction, one can mix love and war...and even (symbolically or moderately) eat donuts! And of course...Practice Safe Stress!

 Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's Stress Buster's Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com.