Gaining Control

In the face of a temper tantrum-throwing tyrant, a parent may have to risk losing face in order to save her mind. And, when in the presence of such tactical courage and genius, one can only be humbly silent. (And, of course, bestow Official Membership in the Stress Doc's Stressbuster's Club.) If, as I would claim, adversity is the real mother of invention, then Luvmedo1@aol.com you are one inventive mother! ;-)

 When my eldest daughter, Amanda was 3.5 years old, she had taken up the habit of wanting everything in the store. If she didn't get what she demanded, she would break into heartbreaking sobs and bone-splintering screams. I guess you could call it a tantrum, but at the time it felt like sooo much more than that!

 After a couple of weeks of this new behavior, I just couldn't take it any more. I was tired of trying to hush and silence her, begging for her to stop, pleading, demanding, and finally threatening her with no more cartoons for the rest of her life. She didn't care, I was under her control, and she knew another tantrum would have me popping in the closest Disney tape as soon as we got home!

 So, the next time we made a trip to Target, and she started her patented full-blown tantrum I decided it was time for drastic measures. I proceeded to find a clear space on the floor of the women's department. Then, much to Amanda's surprise, I let out a whooping holler! I threw myself on the ground, kicking and yelling, "Why can't I buy that dress? I waaaaaant IT!!!! Why don't you ever let me get ANYTHING I waaaaaant???". She sat strapped in the cart seat stunned, mouth open in mid-tantrum, not sure what to do. She couldn't hide from the people that were looking at us, and she felt her first glimmer of embarrassment.

 As I continued my tantrum, other mothers gathered around me, applauding me! Amanda finally said to me, "Mommy, would you please get up? It's okay now, you can get that dress, and you can look at whatever you want". I looked up at her in the cart, tears drying on her face, and said "Okay Mandy, thank you. I won't cry anymore, if you won't cry anymore." She agreed and we laughed at how silly Mommy looked on the floor...but she has never had another tantrum since that day four years ago! Humor does help relieve stress...I don't think a single person that witnessed that episode will ever forget it. I know I never will! = )

 Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or, of course, this website.