Humoring Sex and Sexing Humor

 A reader recently shared his enjoyment of my linking therapeutically humor and sex. For those that missed it, I had said, "Laughter is the best tension reliever and sex is second. So if you're having funny sex you're probably in good shape." Years ago, when I closed a convention talk in New Orleans with that line, one of the program organizers quickly stood up and announced, "Next year we will bring the 'Stress Doc' back to speak on 'Funny Sex.'"

 But humor, especially the sexual variety, is subject to the Stress Doc's theory of cultural relativity: that which plays well in "The Big Easy," doesn't always go over in the land of political correctness. It wasn't till I moved to Washington, DC that I truly learned that with certain kinds of humor, timing and trust are everything. Let me illustrate.

 I was speaking to about 100 association executives shortly after I had moved to DC. At this convention workshop, as part of my opening remarks, I was explaining how the transition had helped put in perspective my geographic journey and mid-life synthesis. In my mid-20s, I left those Brooklyn and Queens roots and went into creative exile in New Orleans. (My "American in Cajun Paris" years.) Did a bunch of interesting things as a "multimedia social worker" but, eventually, there were no more mountains to climb in the bayou. I started having this urge to move to the nation's capital. I didn't understand it till I got here in 1990. Then I realized if New York City and New Orleans had a baby it would look like Washington, DC. (Of course, I still can't vouch for its legitimacy.)

 Being a bit obsessive, I saw other parallels among the three distinct and otherwise different towns, including the urban vitality of "The Four R's: Rivers, Races, Restaurants...and Roaches! (And believe me, you don't know what startle stress means till a three inch New Orleans flying sucker has dive-bombed your neck.)

 With this group of serious-minded professionals, I should have left well enough alone. But no...once you start coming from the obsessive edge, it's hard to stop. So here's my mind teetering on the brink, about to go into free fall: Now what if we decided to play around with this notion of cities playing around. What if DC tried to get it on with NYC? Let's think symbolically and big...think monumental. Can't you just picture the Washington Monument hitting on the Statue of Liberty. And Ms. Liberty feistily replying, "Georgie, believe me...I've dealt with all kinds. And I especially like big men. You and I could probably rewrite all those Guiness Book records...But I believe in practicing safe sex. And where the hell will you find a big enough condom? Now don't tell me the Goodyear Blimp. Please, don't flatter yourself." (As is pretty transparent, the dog days of summer have hit Washington. I'll stoop to almost anything for a column.)

 But let's return to our high purpose, the art of injecting humor and sex with a discriminating audience, that is, other than folks with raging hormones or a Cable TV comedy club audience. Am I overly sensitive or is much of today's Cable humor rather crude, if not downright cruel? I'm beginning to wonder if the audience prompts for laughter in TV studios are overhead signs in red flashing "F_ _ _ You." And like Pavlovian dogs, these people are foaming hysterically.

 Anyway, the Georgie and Miss Liberty routine bombed. Speaking of monuments, the audience turned stone cold. It was a growing pain experience. What I learned was that if mixing sex and humor, with most audiences, you have to build some rapport and trust. For example, don't hit people too quickly with the "C"-word, unless you've filled it with water. Water balloons are funny; c ondoms are dangerous! (Now control that ironic edge, Mark.) Start with some PG material before quickly moving to the outer limits, especially in a professional setting or when playing with cultural icons. As Dr. Joel Goodman, of the Humor Project, might say: "Just another humbling lesson on the road to becoming a 'tongue fooey' master." And as the Stress Doc says, by using higher power humor and "Practicing Safe Stress"...The Farce Will Be with You!

 Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych . His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com