Our saga continues with Mr. Moon sharing his therapeutic explorations with an enrapt Miss Sun. The process is fraught with pain and some gain. But realizing his "full" potential remains elusive…until that moment.
Miss Sun and Mr. Moon: A Romantasy
Therapy and Mystery Over Dysfunctional History
After Miss Sun reveals her plans for foregoing a soular fusion experience with Mr. Moon for pursuing her path on Earth, Mr. Moon shares his family fusion history, including original chaos and subsequent dysfunction. Mr. Moon relates being encouraged by an experienced asteroid to get counseling for his post-traumatic condition. Let's pick up Miss Sun's anxious reply to Mr. Moon. (If you have missed previous installments of Miss Sun and Mr. Moon, email stressdoc@aol.com .)
Nothing Left to Lose
"So did you?" Miss Sun was impatient to discover whether Mr. Moon sought help. Well, to be honest, I put it off for a good while. I was scared. So much of my existence involved being a moon charmer, trying to attract those high- flying meteors and small planets. I didn't really want to know what was underneath my luminous persona. Who wanted to face all the emptiness and fear. And then I heard that a runaway meteor had obliterated Uncle Moon, my favorite uncle. And now I could no longer cover up the depth of my despair and loneliness. I didn't have the willpower to entice any heavenly bodies. I was letting my gravitational duties slip; my luminosity was draining away. I could barely become a half moon.
Astral, the asteroid who had become my heavenly confessor, urgently reminded me that the slogan, "Use it or lose it," applies to luminosity and gravity, not just sexuality. If I passively accepted this energy drain, I would likely whither away to a barely visible sliver, isolated, hardly functional, and no longer able to inspire or influence with my lunacy or gravitational pull. And, in this diminished state, I could easily be sucked permanently into a black hole.
So I swallowed my false pride and made an appointment at the IIPTBBD - the Intergalactic Institute for Post-Traumatic Big Bang Disorder. I got a doctor who was training in psycholunanalysis. I would lie down and emit all these psychic moon beams. Initially, my beams seemed to be random projections. But he asked good questions and also challenged me when I was hiding from my real feelings. I learned this basic truth: There is a real difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow. When you are feeling sorry for yourself you blame others. When you are feeling your sorrow you have the courage to face your pain.
Finally, I started recalling the pain from my past. I had a lot more hurt and anger than I was consciously aware. I was going three times a week. And once less self-conscious, just about every session I was crying. All the feelings, the fear, the terror and the sense of being so alone came back. I relived the post-fusion annihilation and abandonment trauma. I recalled my later shame at not being able to stand up to the meteoric mob that would throw cosmic debris and shower me with rocks. So much anxiety; I feared that defending myself would lead to obliteration. And, of course, I hated not standing up for myself, for being such a coward. So much of late childhood and early adolescence was a vicious, helpless cycle.
Over time, by uncovering moon memories and grieving the unmentionable, I began recalling my dreams. Lying in that crescent moon state was an especially favorable position for dream work and free association. But this analysis didn't just consist of lying around engaging in lunababble. My therapist challenged me to stand up to some of those meteors that used to intimidate and bully me in the past. He even showed me some "moon fu" martial arts techniques for deflecting and diminishing the impact of oncoming cosmic body blows. Now I understood how carrying around all that post fusion and dysfunctional family anxiety was such a burden. It made me exaggerate the catastrophic possibilities and consequences of colliding with these meteors. There was hope: my inner core was bruised, not broken.
And, lo and behold, I could take those meteor hits. In fact, a few good hits everyday, along with affirming boundary blocks or deft deflection, heightened my energy and gravitational levels for most of the evening. And my luminosity and sense of fullness was growing. But I still couldn't quite achieve the peak, full moon experience. Still, I kept grieving the past and started being more real and honest in the present. No more Mr. Nice Moon. ;-) Of course, I had to be patient. It was a process. There was no magic cosmic wand to light myself up.
When Nothing Is Everything
Then one day, I started my session in a most atypical and surprising manner. I had nothing to project. And I always have something to babble or beam about. When I conveyed my confusion, the good doctor made his most profound intervention: "Don't say anything."
"Huh!," I thought. Finally, I realized I was just supposed to be still. And in this unfamiliar silent psychic space, a truly amazing thing happened. I guess with all the grieving and forgiving…all the inner static seemed to disappear. I started flowing on the inside and glowing on the outside. It was total mind blowing lunacy. Suddenly, there's an incredible surge of power and, simultaneously, this profound peacefulness. I was feeling both serene and sensual. And then, not only did I have a full moon experience, but one of cosmic wholeness. At that moment, it was as if my moonbeams had encircled the entire universe. And in this incredibly expansive state, I was the center of the cosmos. I even had an out of lunar body experience. While lying in the crescent position, the focal point of that expansive moment, I was also hovering at the fringes of the universe. Now maybe it was just a hallucinatory dream state. Who knows?
Surprisingly, this revelation and psychic surge didn't just inflate my ego, it wasn't just a power trip…hard as that is to imagine." Mr. Moon smiled, looked directly at Miss Sun, and ventured: "I know what you're thinking. That a narcissist like me always thinks the universe revolves around me." ;-) Miss Sun agreed: "Yes, Mr. Moon, you are the King Narc." And then she warmly laughed. She realized it was just a persona, not his true nature. Mr. Moon appreciated his friend's understanding and playful ways.
The mystical moment gave me the most profound insight: that I was a complex composite of so many feelings -- fear, joy, anger, tenderness, envy, innocence, lust, peace, hostility, caring…and that I did not have to be so ashamed of any of these emotions, including shame. My most expansive "Self" embraced all these emotional elements, all of my past and present, the whole swirling, interacting psychic system. It was as if there is a parallel between the universal cosmic system and our own interior psychic system. I had this unspeakable moment of acceptance.
And then, the last "aha!": I had connected or journeyed so deep into my essence that I had finally reached that part of myself that had survived all the early "big bang" trauma - my pure moonness. I discovered, no, make that recovered what I'd been mourning for what seemed an eternity - that pure love for myself. That despite all the pain, loneliness and chaos, I could embrace my beautiful, truly innocent and uncontaminated essence.
Seeing Is Believing
And you know what was also startling?, shared Mr. Moon wondrously. I found an old cosmographic image of my family shortly after the birth of our tormented galaxy. And there I was, in between Mother Sun and Primary Planet, who were looking pretty tense and dour. Yet I had this joyful expression, moonbeams outstretched so widely. I radiated a sense of individuality, freedom and exuberance. And sadly, that was the last image I could find in the galactic- family archives capturing a natural outpouring of my true energy and being. All the other images have this affected air, a forced, hollow smile, a false luminous persona. And Mr. Moon turned pensive. He was definitely in a labile way; his mood swung up and down as he associated to the mix of psychic elements strewn along his historical cosmic-family path. Then he refocused. And that early picture, the energy, the exuberance, the expansive moonbeams…that image was akin to the psychic-cosmic mystical moment in psycholunanalysis. I had found my spiritual homeland -- a pure connection of past and present (and, also, future) energy and consciousness.
And as he finished these words, Mr. Moon lowered his head slightly and closed his eyes. It was as if his life had flashed before him. Mr. Moon was visibly shaken and fairly exhausted. Miss Sun, too, was speechless. The silence between them was palpable. Then, smiling tenderly, she quietly said, "That was an amazing tale Mr. Moon. It's like you had this ultimate experience, this cosmic consciousness. Many in the galaxy like to talk about it. You did more than talk." Mr. Moon opened his eyes and gave a faint yet heartfelt smile. He then continued: "Yes, I achieved that ineffable psychic-cosmic moment."
After pausing, Mr. Moon revealed that some celestial creatures upon hearing his story claimed, "I had finally found God." A number described it as "mystical-spiritual conjunction." I shall leave the labeling to others. But what I did learn is that this cosmic-mystical-spiritual moment, or whatever we choose to call it, which has you feeling both at the cosmic center and the psychic peak...while more real than anything I've ever experienced, is also, alas, an illusion.
Miss Sun suddenly gave a near violent shake. Just as she was making sense of his saga, she was jolted and disoriented once again: "What do you mean, Mr. Moon?"
Yes, what does Mr. Moon mean? Well, we'll need to wait for the next revealing episode. Until then, as always…Practice Safe Stress!
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Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC and Financial Services Journal Online. And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com or click STRESS DOC HOMEPAGE. (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top- rated site by Mental Health Net.)