The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist
™
NOV 2003, Sec. II
Shrink Rap:
[Eds.
Note: This article was recently written for Workforce Management.]
Executive Coaching: Key Tips and Tactics
Executive coaching has seemingly become a cottage industry attracting all kinds
of practitioners, from psychotherapists to personal trainers. However, coaching
in a generic fashion or asking the executive student to conform strictly to a
coach's professional framework is inviting not just diminished success, but
trouble as well. Working with an executive means being able to understand his
or work world and psyche as well as being able to speak this leader's language.
With these considerations in mind, here are six key tips and tactics for
coaching an executive:
1. Lonely at the Top. Executives often have assistants and consultants as
sounding boards and idea men. However, even with insiders some execs are
careful as to what data or psychological angst is shared. Also, sometimes execs
feel it's necessary to be discriminating in terms of the troubling questions
posed or issues exposed. There can be a sense of isolation. Clearly having an
objective voice, an "intimate outsider" if you will, a person that the exec can
share with on a more personal, intimate level is invaluable. Also, execs often
appreciate a coach that can also interact with and discreetly take the pulse of
the front-line troops and officers.
2. Having to Preserve a Persona. A related dynamic involves the exec
feeling that he or she may need to present a very confident and "in control"
image. A coach must not just be a good listener, but must create a level of
trust in the relationship. A coach must demonstrate an ability for relating to
key issues and emotions in order for the exec to feel sufficiently safe to open
that Pandora's Box.
3. Arrogance, Narcissism and Denial. Alas, some execs take their successes
too much to heart and head; praise and flattery confirm their uncommon stature.
While the Emperor may have some clothes, he still may need a coach that can
empathetically yet strategically dress him down. While big egos don't take well
to being totally undressed, many execs appreciate the coach who won't back down
in the face of a leader's aggressive manner or when sensing a self-defeating
attitude. For example, a haughty State Dept. exec once challenged me in a
retreat: "What do you call it if you don't have any stress?" My immediate
reply with a twinkle in my eye: "Denial!" His laughter broke the ice between
us.
4. Helping a Leader Ask for Help. For many execs, asking for help connotes
weakness or perhaps is seen as a negative reflection on their competency,
experience or leadership qualities. So helping a leader understand the toll he
or she is taking by not seeking some outside support is critical. Surely a
coach wants to reinforce the areas of expertise of the exec. At the same time,
the coach wants to help an exec understand, for example, that certain kinds of
interpersonal tension or team dynamics or morale (if not productivity) issues
following a downsizing or reorganizing often require sophisticated
intervention. In today's volatile and uncertain work environment, a coach may
often need to be sensitive to, if not expert in, group grieving, team conflict
and EAP referral for a troubled employee.
5. Seeking the Right Kind of Intervention. I recall a department executive
finally admitting that the level of interpersonal dysfunction in his shop was
beyond his comprehension. He went to his superior asking permission to hire a
conflict and team-building coach/consultant. The entire organization had
recently started classroom Covey Training. This superior suggested holding off
bringing in a consultant; he wanted the exec to give the Covey Training a
chance. This was a serious mistake, as the level of dysfunction required
hands-on, OD intervention by a conflict specialist. I was finally brought in
after serious mental abuse and sexual harassment charges forced top management's
hand.
6. Using Peer Intervention. Sometimes the executive coach also needs to
possess humility, that is, he or she must call on others for help: a coach may
need to call on the peers of the executive for a small group intervention. Some
execs need to be supported and/or confronted by fellow execs or friends in order
for the exec to "get it." Clearly, this high-level intervention method must be
used with real discretion. And, of course, when a coach can also ask for
assistance, then he's being a role model for that rigidly independent exec.
7. Coach as Systems Observer/Player. Unless the relationship must be
kept under wraps, a coach should attend at least one executive committee, staff
or "all hands" meeting. First, this helps the coach get an up close look at how
the executive interacts with his or her personnel. Second, a coach may also
want to share some observations on content issues and, especially, on the group
dynamics of the meeting. This gives other group members an opportunity to
evaluate the personality and competency of the coach. People want to know that
the coach is not a Svengali, manipulating or controlling their leader. (Along
this line, an executive coach might consider brief one-on-one meetings with
management, supervisory and/or department personnel. This step helps folks get
to know the coach and may also dispel some concerns regarding mission and
motivation.)
Finally, having some active presence at systems meetings, a coach may model
skills for effective leadership and interpersonal communication as well as for
the art of navigating group dynamics.
An executive coach able to recognize these seven coaching issues, and to design
and implement congruent strategies in partnership with his client, is a
professional who truly has earned his or her coaching fee.
Heads Up:
1. SAP--Human Capital Forum & ASUGS. October Keynote with 300 IT and HR
folks in Orlando; partnered with Smith Bucklin, the largest conference planning
company in the US; "awesome" feedback. (SAP is a major software company that
helps large companies manage data, e.g., payrolls. ASUGS are the SAP User
Support Groups.)
2. EAPA in New Orleans. Nov 22nd major breakout session in New Orleans
(Yum!) on Nov 22 for the Employee Assistance Professionals Assn. The topic:
"How to Become a Great Presenter." (My original title was "How to Give Dynamic
and Engaging Presentations." EAPA changed the title. Talk about performance
pressure for yours truly.) For more info: 703-387-1000
3. NAWBO. Nov. 17th after dinner talk in Timonium, MD at the Turf Inn
Restaurant on "Practicing Safe Stress: Creatively Managing Stress & Building
Team Work & Play through Humor." For more info: 410-876-0502
4. SHRM--Frederick County, MD. Testimonial re; my after lunch keynote
for Human Resource managers/professionals. Here's the letter from Sophia
Dobransky, President, Frederick County SHRM:
FREDERICK COUNTY CHAPTER #2131
SOCIETY FOR HUMAN RESOURCE MANAGEMENT
P.O. BOX 1516
Frederick, MD 21702
www.fcshrm.com
October 23, 2003
Mark Gorkin
1616 18th Street, NW
Washington, DC 20009
Dear Mark (AKA "Stress Doc"):
On behalf of the Frederick County Chapter of the Society for Human Resource
Management, I want to thank you for presenting the program "Humor in the
Workplace-- Practicing Safe Stress" at our September, 2003 professional
meeting. It was the one of the most dynamic, engaging presentations I have
personally seen in years, and that includes presentations at several SHRM
national conferences!
We had a record attendance at the meeting which signifies that HR professionals
are seeking methods of addressing stress in the workplace, as well as managing
their own stress. By the nature of your interactive presentation, you provided a
brief escape for all of us while presenting ideas for building teamwork and
managing conflict and stress! The feedback from our members has been
outstanding. You received one of the highest ratings ever from our members'
evaluations and the most frequently used descriptors were "excellent" and
"fun"! The only constructive feedback we received was that the time allotted
was simply insufficient! Many have suggested having you back for an extended
program, so we will have to discuss that.
Thanks again for an enjoyable, dynamic and relevant presentation!
Warm regards,
Sophia Dobransky
President - Frederick County SHRM
Mark
Gorkin, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™,
an international/Celebrity Cruise Lines speaker, training consultant,
psychotherapist, syndicated writer, and upcoming author of Practice Safe
Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression.
Mark, recently interviewed by BBC Radio, has a multi-award-winning, USA Today
Online "HotSite" --
www.stressdoc.com -- cited as workplace resource in a National Public Radio
feature. As AOL's "Online Psychohumorist," ™Mark runs his weekly Shrink Rap and
Group Chat. Email for his monthly newsletter recently showcased on List-a-Day.com.For
more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs, email stressdoc@aol.com
or call 202-232-8662.
(c) Mark Gorkin 2003
Shrink Rap Productions