From: John Straub <jstraub@huskynet.com> To: 'jstraub@con-ed.howard.edu' <jstraub@con-ed.howard.edu> Subject: FW: Column for Mon Mar 2nd Date: Sunday, March 01, 1998 10:56 PM

A guest contributor makes her official debut in the Stress Doc column detailing her fall, literal and her rise, literary. I think this Phoenix will give us all one hell of a ride.

A Phoenix Rising

It has been almost a year since the young, fearless and most definitely untamed spirit which occupies my body hurled itself out of an airplane. I can still hear my mother's yelp of a reply as I regretfully revealed to her my plans of skydiving..." Is it not enough for you anymore to cherish the gift of walking on God's green earth.?, Well I think your nuts and I don't know whose genes you have, but they are most certainly not mine...!!!" (It is my belief to this day that the not-so-nice nurse at the hospital where I was born just simply handed my charming mother the wrong baby.!! Me.)

On the day of this daring event I had very carefully adorned my carved and chiseled female image of David in a newly purchased outfit from the Army & Navy surplus. ( I looked Stunning) I hopped in my 5 speed roaster and raced to the small town of Zephyrhills, Fl..Upon my arrival a very handsome, blue eyed jump instructor called to me " Come on, Priscilla, you sky-bred fashion queen." And of course I had the usual adrenaline surge as this naive young man helped me get my parachute on and escorted me to the plane....It was an effort to get refocused on my original intention " The Jump" but with lingering thoughts of being somewhere esle with this Jump Boy, I somehow managed..

The last thing I remember hearing was "Jump" and so I did. A fateful jump it was. Why just seconds before my plan of a perfect landing was to be executed Mother Nature played her part in my destiny. She produced without notice " The Wind From Hell "....Why it was this kind and bashful wind that guided me right into the hole of immediate doom. (My protocol is usually immediate gratification)

As I landed my left foot planted firmly right into this damn hole. I knew from the uncommon flexion in my left leg ( 90 degrees in reverse ) that this day was not a day that I could simply start over.

And there I was one day later, unable to walk and knowing that a total knee reconstruction was on the horizon. Angrily I started practicing human nature, " Why me, God.? Why me " This is what I did until my internal voice of resurrection suddenly turned up the volume. " Priscilla, the time has come for you to rely solely on your wonderful sense of Humor....Do you understand ? "

Oh, but loud and clear, I answered..!!

Soon after I committed my first act of self enhumorment by shaving my head and reducing my well defined conservative hair-do to a mere crew cut. Oh why stop there..!! Where's the bleach..?? And without hesitation I transcended from the yuppie protocol to a fabulous version of Bridget Neilson...(Sure I enjoy the attention.)

So I entered into this process as a fine tuned, newly blonde athlete nurturing my competitive ego.."I'll be back I said, only I'll be better !! "...And with blind faith I put my trust in the Doctor's. ( Why I ever did this, I'll never know )

One of the many recent lessons I have learned from this experience is that Surgeons have bad days and my first surgeon had one the day he performed the reconstruction on my left knee. He made a mistake, one that changed my life for the worse , Forever.!! Painful for me, but yet profitable for him. A fine example of the " No Pain No Profit Theory " that Doctor's use when calculating their fees.

This is when the real struggle started. I finally realized that I was not going to get any better and I would have to undergo another surgery to undo the first.. The darkness of this unexpected challenge had finally appeared. I had fallen into a whirling vortex of hopelessness....(My glamorous pair of legs would never work as a team again..!! How could I possibly go on, How.?..) It was that day that I saw my self -image disappear into my own personal burning hell of despair: "Who am I.? What am I supposed to do.? Why am I covered with ashes.? Why.? God are you listening.?"

So from then on each morning when I awoke my very first thoughts were " Dear God give me strength and courage and the will and desire to reinvent my life. " Then I would reach for my thoughtfully decorated crutches ( the best sticker was a picture of Elvis and right underneath it said " Do your part, Help find a cure" ) and make my way to the computer with my head nurse, Piper, right by my side. (Yes, the rumor is true, Piper is a Great Dane) I spent countless hours sending e-mails to my friends at their corporate offices, (they were very patient with me, thank the dear lord.!!) and equally as much time surfing the net everyday...And finally one hot summer day while surfing the web looking for self help information I came across The Stress Doc, so I decided to write to him and share my tale of woe..

And to my total amazement he responded with his supreme wisdom and even ran my story in his column. I can't even tell you the amount of joy (the simplest of pleasures) I received from his actions. Not only that, but several of The Stress Doc's inspired readers even responded offering their heart felt compassion and solutions for my mid- life medical nightmare.

My real recovery (the re-invention of my devastated self esteem) had begun. The encouragement and positive direction that the Stress Doc freely offered me was the catalyst which sparked my quest to look inside my humbled self and find something I was good at. Something I could be passionate about. Something I truly loved and of course something that would meet my new social status....Sedentary...!! (And for some strange reason whenever I say this word I think of Alfred Hitchcock and wonder what it would sound like if he said it, " You are said-n-dairy my lovely" )

Several weeks ago out of the clear blue, The Stress Doc sent me a copy of a letter that a woman had sent to him....I read it and was just in a state of shock. This woman had remembered my tale of woe and had written to him suggesting that he let me write a column in his newletter. She went on to say how much she enjoyed my writng style and that I truly had a gift from God..!!

Her message to The Stress Doc was a God message for me. For she was my messenger. She urged me to share my gift of writing with the world and by doing so I could be certain this gift would be mine to keep....." Give it away, my friend and it will find it's way back to you many times over"

So through the Law of Suggestion and The Magic of Belief I found the courage to write The Stress Doc and ask for the chance to write a column, assuring him that I would put my hard earned wisdom and this fountain of ever-flowing spontaneous wit (the gift) to work. This is what I said: I am sure I could humor them (the world) while I build a stage for their comfort zone and at the same time provide discreet stimulation (area of stimulation will be different for some readers) for the part of the brain which is responsible for thought provoking laughter.......I can do this....!!!!

He wrote back and said: " You can do this" My heart just stopped completely, the metamorphous had occurred. This very powerful affirmation allowed me to say for the first time, " Iam a writer and a damn good one at that...!!!!!

He also sent me something he had penned almost 15 years ago:

For the Phoenix to rise from the ashes
One must know the pain
To transform the fire to burning desire

These 3 simple lines of words held more meaning to me than the last 15 self-help books I had just read. This moment of surrender allowed me to accept the painful loss of my physical self. I then visualized the smoldering remains of my once mighty self image rebirthing itself.... I am the Phoenix and I am rising..

For I have listened to my mesengers. And today I have faith and believe that through this most devastating circumstance in my whimsical life I will emerge Laurel - Wreathed, Triumphant, Greatness will be mine.....!!!!

After 11 months of physical therapy, 3 surgeries and 6 solid months of not being able to walk, I can honestly say I am grateful for this wonderful experience. Thank you all for your kindness, love and support...

My final thoughts..... For I no longer fear the fire I consciously turned it into burning desire This is me that has risen from the ashes in glory To become a "Writer" who tells a good story In soaring to these great new heights So it seems, I'm The Phoenix who won the fight.

The Feisty Phoenix
aka LKW55A@aol.com

Special Announcements: a) email if you'd like to subscribe to my new, free newsletter,

b) Leading a "Shrink Rap and Group Chat" for Digital City-Washington, the 2nd and 4th Mondays of every month, 9-10pm EDT. Field questions on stress, relationship issues, career transition, etc.

c) Starting a Multi-Media Coaching for Consultants Program, especially (though not exclusively) for allied/mental health professionals, organizational trainers and consultants, counselors and educators. For information on the products and instructional services, including one-on-one online consultation, bulletin board access and particpation in a chat/support group, email me at Stress Doc@aol.com.

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you.

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC and Financial Services Journal Online --  . And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com. The  Stress Doc's website was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top- rated site by Mental Health Net.