A reader takes the Stress Doc to task for titling his previous column "Going Postal," in light of the rash of shootings in the last few years. She brings an uncommonly poignant perspective and raises a provocative issue: how sensitive ought the humorist be?
Postal Partum Depression
My last column captured the challenging highs of being a stress and violence prevention consultant for the US Postal Service, as well as the vulnerable lows of being let go. Then, the unexpected, dramatic death of a favorite uncle brought on "The Dark Night of the Soul." As I will explore next time, I was compelled to confront a family legacy and a personal history of depression and mental illness.
The essay garnered some kudos. For example, an online critic and friend observed: "Your column was poignant and heartfelt, and thus truly beautiful. I can learn more from one who tells his/her own experiences than from a gazillion textbooks or textbook answers, aka sermons. Keep up the good work...I'm sure it benefits you and I know it benefits your readers."
Well, Carolyn (TEKKEE@aol.com)...not all of the readers. One reader very poignantly and passionately objected to my titling the column, "Going Postal." Shannon (Msmnurse1@aol,com) kindly gave me permission to print her objections, especially as it might help sensitize others:
I am writing now to express concern about the use of the term "Going Postal," particularly in light of the rash of shootings in the work place, not only at post offices, in the last several years. As a surviving family member of a wonderful man murdered in his work place, I resent the term "Going Postal." It is now a joke to the general public, but (the term) can inflict incredible pain on someone who has lost a loved one in a work place shooting...And there are more of us than most people realize.
While you have a wonderful sense of humor and I enjoy your stress reduction mailings, I hope you will be a bit more sympathetic to peoples' feelings. In case you think I may be too sensitive, I have a unique view of this tragedy because of my job. I am a Forensic Psych Nurse on a moderate security locked unit. I view the murderer on a personal level. Some of my patients are murderers themselves. I am very clear regarding who and what they are and do not view/treat them any differently now. They are my patients, not the cause of my loss.
I hope you will rethink the situation before you use terms like this in the future and realize that, while some use these terms as an attention grabber, you are far more creative and have no need to fall into using new cliches. Use your creative sense of humor and try to utilize a term less cruel. Don't follow the trend; be a trend setter :)
Thank you for your consideration and for so many hours of enjoyment, which I intend to continue to pursue. Sincerely,
Shannon
I'd like to share my response to Shannon's email:
Hi Shannon,
Thanks so much for your note. Clearly my use of the term did not have the poignancy and pain that it does for you, and perhaps for others. I appreciate your reminder. For me, clearly the expression is not meant to triviailize the murders (or the bereaved) in Corporate America, but I can only imagine it's impact for you.
Within the postal service, the expression is used as dark humor; sort of like MASH humor. Anyway, I would like to print your letter anonymously. But, of course, will only do so if you give permission.
I'm sure I will not be able to use the expression so unthinkingly in the future. Whether I eliminate it totally from my vocabulary, I can't say. But your passionate letter has definitely been etched on my consciousness. And for that I am grateful.
With real appreciation,
Mark Gorkin "The Stress Doc"
I struggle as a humorist between not being controlled by potential political correctness to frowning on repetitive hostile humor at an oh so easy or obvious target's expense. Shannon, I will pick up your gauntlet: to continue to strive for creative use of humor; to be a trend setter, not a follower.
I then shared Shannon's response and my reply with a colleague - an actress, standup comic and budding philosopher. Florabell2@aol.com responded as follows:
Hi Doc,
...There is many a truth in dark humor. We all learn the message in different ways. We can't all get it in the same way that she and you get it. Believe me, people like me get that going postal is a very derogatory phrase. It's a fact, stress is lessened by humor. If this phrase catches on and can get just one stressed out person to stop and laugh at himself/herself, maybe it will saves lives.
I like how you didn't fall into the trap of promising things that you couldn't keep. The best way for her to lessen her stress is by allowing you to post her complaint. We all have a right and a desire to be heard. And to get our message out in the way that we feel our listeners will best identify with. That's our American Right. (Insert, "Star Spangled Banner" here.)
Florabell2
P.S. It takes a clever person to teach morality with humor.
In closing, as we try to make sense of these various perspectives, let us ponder the higher power of humor...May the Farce Be with You!
And, of course...Practice Safe Stress!
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Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you.