The Queen Be

 You can't be without them, sometimes you can't be with them. And just when you think you are the prince of the mount, they will knock you down a notch. To whom am I referring? Well read on. And Judy 1047@aol.com, for your delightfully outrageous tale, you are enshrined in the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club. And thanks for rekindling memory. A personal favorite follows our parable.

 Jesus and the apostles arrive in a small, dusty town to discover an angry mob obviously bent on doing harm. Jesus elbows his way through the crowd to discover a terrified woman cowering on the ground. Only then does he notice that everyone around her is holding stones.

 "What's happening here?" he demands. "She's an adulteress," cries a voice. "And she must be stoned to death." "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone," replies Jesus, staring back at the crowd.

 At this, everyone falls silent. Then, one by one, they drop their stones and shuffle off, ashamed. Except for one little old woman who staggers up to the adulteress with a monster of a rock in her arms. With a huge effort of will she raises it above her head and craaaaaash!, smashes it down on the other woman, killing her instantly.

 Jesus lets out a huge sigh...then says, "You know, Mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

 Okay, maybe the incident didn't happen...but it's nice to think that the son could express his honest feelings of frustration with his mother. Alas, sometimes I've had to resort to being clever. Consider my modern day morality dilemma and techniques for dealing with "the mother of all guilt complexes":

 "No Guilt, No Guts, No Glory."

 Primordial guilt...Ever feel that no matter what you do, or don't do, somehow, you did the wrong thing or the result will be screwed up? And if, by chance, you feel blameless, then your culpability is confirmed by someone more astute. Urrrhh. But wait...You can go from being the guilty party to using the "guilt parry" with a "Stress Doc" guilt buster. And it even works on the mother of all guilt complexes!

 Around six years ago, at the end of an early December visit to my parents in Florida, I, like so many voyeuristic others, was intently watching on Cable TV the Kennedy Smith rape trial hearing. I had a couple of hours to kill before heading home. My mother had previously announced that she would be leaving early for a tennis date and would not be able to go with my father and me to the airport. Anyway, I'm transfixed by the tube. And while I'm in this voyeuristic state, my mother unbeknownst to me, enters the room. She must have been hovering in the background for awhile. For when I didn't acknowledge her presence she, in a most suffering tone, cries out, "What! You're not going to say good-by to your mother." Wavering between apology and apoplexy, I suddenly cry out, "I can't...I'm paralyzed with guilt."

 A faint smile slides across her face. A moral victory for me, at least. And the moral of the story: when it comes to guilt, don't painfully burst a gut...try playfully busting the guilt!

 Just remember..."Practice Safe Stress!"

 Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych . His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com