In Part III of Risky Business, the Stress Doc suggests both "hanging out" and letting it all (or most of it all) hang out, that is, finding support for breaking out of our comfort zone.
Risky Business: Part III
Here are the second helping of tips to strengthen your capacity for exploration and risk-taking. Eat them up.
4. Hang Out. A powerful motivator for risk-taking, good and bad, is hanging out with a peer group. In particular, keep company with folks a bit outside your normal comfort zone. For example, both participating in and facilitating an artists' support group helped me lose my computer virginity. The visual artists were taking classes in computer graphics. Each week as they showed off their class work and spoke of the marvels of the new technology, I felt increasingly trapped in the Mesozoic Era. Shame propelled the hiring of a computer consultant who helped me purchase a system. She also held my hand as I slowly gained some literacy. A peer group for some startup anxiety and a coach for support can be the bridge from phobia to increased freedom.
5. Be an Awkward Beginner. People who have mastered a job or profession through the requisite blood, sweat and tears as well as the investment of ego, time and money often abhor the thought of starting over. They recall the anxieties of an earlier age and don't ever want to feel so vulnerable or inadequate. This can mean refusing to let go of a beyond repair marriage or a dead end job. Yet, if we succumb to such a b.s. (be safe) bunker mentality, we are ripe for that boredom, if not burnout-inducing, formula: when mastery times monotony provides an index of misery! Sometimes you must fireproof your life with anxiety and variety.
I recall breaking into Cable TV with no previous mass media experience nor media training. Talk about feeling out of control! My first show was classic stage fright. Yet, I learned more about my strengths and vulnerabilities (okay, a lot more about my vulnerabilities) quite quickly, just because I was so naïve about and unprepared for the demands of the high visibility situation. At first, when I wrote about "Confronting Your Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure," my initial tip was, "Jump in Over Your Head." Subsequently, after some hard-earned maturity, the strategic recommendation reads: "Aware- ily Jump in Over Your Head." It's definitely okay, before plunging in, to check the temperature of the water and to see whether there are alligators obviously lurking about. (Email stressdoc@aol.com for my article on "Creative Risk-Taking: The Art of Designing Disorder.")
6. Seek Out New Situations. Ever notice how when on vacation, often surrounded by the unfamiliar, when the grip of day to day operations and expectations is loosened, when you allow for a greater margin of error and time you are more adventurous? You seem less concerned about being judged when amongst strangers. In a way, it's similar to the social context when emailing or chatting online: it often is easier to be more open and self- disclosing; to risk being "real." Or it facilitates people playing a fantasized role. Yet, by adopting the mindset and typing the words, a person can begin to imagine that the persona is not simply a virtual exercise. And once receiving supportive or affirming feedback…well, maybe it's not just a role. (Of course, this anonymity and fantasy when taken to extremes has dark side potential. Hey, even healthy risk-taking means "living on the edge" despite all our calculations.)
Also, new and challenging situations can reconnect us to past experiences. We may discover a capacity for drawing upon latent, although somewhat rusty, knowledge and skills. For example, recently I started running (with the help of a more experienced host) a free-for-all stress support chat group. Once I got over the startup jitters, this endeavor was not as daunting as I had anticipated. After awhile, I saw the parallel between the intense chat arena and a cutthroat group solitaire that was a favorite in my childhood household. Four to six people at a time - friends and family - would be madly throwing and building aces in a middle pot (the equivalent of members' and leaders' messages on the chat screen) while building down the four face up cards that comprised your hand. And it all moved at a competitively lightning pace.
I had the capacity to rapidly play my hand, whip out aces, survey my opponents' cards and not be afraid of crushed fingers when both parties vied for having their five of spades atop the beckoning four of spades in the central playing (or was it killing) field. And these parallel skills help me survive and thrive in my weekly "Shrink Rap and Group Chat." (And here's the chat group link, for you of vulnerable yet bold hearts and appropriately smart mouths ;-) <A HREF="aol://4344:363.gorkin.5732839.568857121">Dig City Promo - Stress Doc</A>
Until next time…Practice Safe Stress!
Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC and Financial Services Journal Online. And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com or click STRESS DOC HOMEPAGE. (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top- rated site by Mental Health Net.)
Also, to receive his free newsletter, Notes from the Online Psychohumorist (TM) for more info on the Stress Doc's Online Coaching program, email stressdoc@aol.com .