A Self-Centered Confession

Now I must confess, some readers find me and my columns a bit arrogant and self-centered. "Moi?" One critic noted, "You just like to talk about yourself, like most psychologists." (Bold added.) Before responding directly, let me digress. Dear readership: if you've had a bad counseling experience, please don't take it out on me. As a columnist and psychohumorist, I continuously strive to demonstrate that you are not the only one who has contributed thousands of dollars to mental health professionals with questionnable results. Believe me, I feel your pain (and your bankruptcy). However, I'm not here to belabor or absorb the imagined and real sins of any or all therapists. I'm already plenty self-absorbed.

I must also object to, or at least clarify, any professional stereotyping or character glorification. This capacity for self-centeredness is not limited to my being in the psychology field. My egocentrism has as much to do with my being a creative writer and public speaker (I'm sorry...I am not like most psychologists. I employ an uncommon level of psychobabble! Okay, so I've also tipped my American Psychiatric Association DSM-IV diagnostic category: Narcissistic Personality Disorder, with grandiose tendencies).

Actually, my self-absorption is fueled by the drive to confront and make sense of my inner world. I energize and enrich my perspective and output when stirring and mixing past experience and emotions, dreams and memories with actual or virtual reality. And, hopefully, sharing this psychic gumbo allows me to connect with, give back to and, also, receive from others (And, occasionally, to poke back. Hey, I'm no saint!).

So thanks. The critical feedback was motivating. Absorbing painful or powerful emotions, as well as contradictory ideas, is a catalyst for transforming raw material into playful expression. It's a personal triumph. I may have been through emotional hell, but if I can write about it, and laugh about it, especially, if I can laugh at myself...then I've emerged stronger. I've gone from victim to victorious!

All this reminds me of when, a few years back, I began acknowledging my computer phobia. You know how you can start feeling anxiety and depression when you stop denying you have a problem. Ironically, feeling worse is often the first step toward getting better! (Okay, so pop psychology can have an element of masochism...not unlike Calvinism or Catholicism, I would think). So, I was contemplating losing my computer virginity; about time, considering I was in my fourth decade. You could tell I was dreading my confrontation with "The Intimate FOE: Fear of Exposure." I spontaneously started doing my best Linus imitation: cradling yellow legal pads like security blankets I would never abandon.

Learning computers seemed beyond the Jurassic period evolution of my brain. To survive this trying transition, I turned to my reptilian, pre-cerebral instincts and penned Double-Edged Depression. I hope you enjoy this self- absorbed, primitive yet poignantly playful inner mindscape:

Double-Edged Depression

Waves of sadness Raging river of fear Whirlpooling madness Till I disappear Into the depths of primal pain Then again...no pain, no gain.

Depression, depression Is it chemistry or confession? Depression, depression Dark side of perfection!

Climbing icy spires Dancing at the ledge The phoenix only rises On the jagged edge In a world of highs and lows Hey, the cosmos ebbs and flows.

Depression, depression It's electrifried obsession High flying depression Exalted regression?

So I'm pumping iron And Prozac, too What else can A real man do In a life of muted dreams How about a primal SCREAM?

Depression, depression Even inner child rejection Depression, depression Hallelujah for creative expression!

And just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you use humor in dealing with stress or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you.

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader, author and psychohumorist on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: <A HREF="mailto:Stress Doc@aol.com">Stress Doc@aol.com</A>, or check out his website: http://www.stressdoc.com/ or click <A HREF="http://www.stressdoc.com/">STRESS DOC HOME PAGE</A> .

<A HREF="aol://4344:972.mainscr.1269395.522621698">Online Psych, Inc.</A>

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"I Shrink Therefore I Am"

Recently, I received a letter from a reader that evoked mixed feelings. She really enjoys my humor. My psychic black hole of an ego can handle endless quantities of that kind of feedback. However, she's also been printing copies of my columns and giving them to her therapist. And this reader even states: "It is I who gives the homework."

Okay, I think this is beginning to make sense. When you don't like what your therapist says, you inflict punishment by making her read the "Stress Doc." This is sounding like the situation that was used in New Jersey public schools a few years back. To discourage disorderly behavior in class, disruptive kids were kept after school and forced to listen to Frank Sinatra tapes.

Well, even, if your motives are not so suspect, let's examine the implications of this course of action. I mean, did you like it when your mother compared your behavior unfavorably to a sibling or a peer? Is there Oedipal competition here? You know, wanting to divide and conquer the "parents" - pitting therapist-symbolic mom against "Stress Doc" dad? Are you still trying to beat out mom (or another sibling) as dad's favorite. God, I love psychoanalytic theory. You can have no basis for your assessment...but, damn, it sounds good! And now this whole online business can give new meaning to splitting - idealizing a virtual authority and denigrating an actual one. The new direction for the field is so obvious...a whole new healing cult: Primal Screen Therapy!

The Wider Implications

Anyway, I would suggest you discuss this with your therapist, but that puts us back in the same provocative predicament. Never mind, but what if other readers engage in similar behavior? I would likely become a pariah in the psychotherapy community. Imagine asking most social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists to have a sense of humor or an affinity for the absurd. Please, that would undermine the seriousness of the grave issues with which these professionals labor so selflessly upon your behalf. Of course, not everyone is meant to be a psychohumorist. (And, readers, I'll let you decide, with respect to my self-generated label of "Online Psychohumorist," whether the emphasis should be on the first or latter part of the title.)

Using me as a therapeutic model is fraught with questionable, if not dangerous, possibilities. As a reader of this column, I'm sure you are aware that I'm quick to talk about and lampoon my neurotic tendencies, moods, fears, flaws and foibles. Obviously, that's not the way to instill confidence in a client. Client's want to know that their guru is impervious to the slings and anxieties of everyday life. People want a rock solid expert upon whom to draw strength; a client wants a counselor he or she can keep knocking her hard head upon; a healer who will forever accept silent or explosive temper tantrums.

And I have a hard time sitting quietly and just listening. I ask a lot of questions; reveal spontaneous facial and bodily gestures. Rarely can I hide my frustration or surprise very long. I'm even apt to say: "Did I hear that correctly?" "You plan to do such and such?" I'll even tell people when they are bugging me (or, at least, when I'm feeling bugged). I'm not very good at unconditional self-regard. (Though I can sling the psychobabble with the best of them. And the language often enhances my humor column.)

Now, I get bored pretty easily. So clients have to be pretty entertaining...Or, at least, expressive. I'm pretty demanding when it comes to expecting a real show (of emotion). Also, I get excited when a client's able to confront me with their anger. (Of course, this sometimes further fuel's the client's frustration, that is, I don't seem to get too defensive or upset. But, hey, as my father often stated: "I never promised you a rose garden." And, I figure, if the client survives me, they'll probably do okay elsewhere.)

And, finally, I don't even want to do psychotherapy more than part-time. I'm basically a wimp. I don't have the "right stuff" to choose to provide 30-40 hours of therapy sessions a week. To devote my whole life to my clients...I'd be working my butt off to help you all be more creative. I'd get resentful not taking enough time and energy to explore my own "on the edge" passions and pursuits.

In conclusion, if you're sharing my column to help your therapist get a more dynamic, genuine and playful life...So that hopefully she (and you) are determined to get rid of you as a client, with you committed to taking new risks, to exploring your expressive nature and expanding your circle of life and love then, of course, go for it...Practice Safe Stress!

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc'sStressBusters Club.)Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.