A readers submission of a wacky "Top Ten" list on coffee addiction coincides with a request for the Stress Doc to do a workshop with folks grappling with a smoking habit. First the sublime lesson then the ridiculous one.

Sin, Sinner and Sinergy

A colleague, Greg, recently asked if I would do a "Practicing Safe Stress" workshop with employees of a federal agency who were smokers. These folks were wanting (or were feeling pressured) to give up cigarettes. Initially, my ambivalence surfaced. Normally, I love doing workshops; do workshops with all kinds of audiences. But a spontaneous hesitation revealed my strong dislike for cigarette smoking and the accompanying smoke. I never have smoked cigarettes. Maybe because my parents were smokers throughout my childhood and I recall arguments in the car. Or, perhaps it reflects feeling sparked by the premature cardiac arrest of an uncle who had been a cigar smoker, though he had stopped years before. Could I be projecting some discomfort with my own addictive or, at least, obsessive and/or compulsive tendencies? Anyway, I shared my doubts about being playful and fully engaged with this audience.

Greg countered by explaining how these folks really could benefit from stress relieving humor. They are often pressured, if not shunned, by colleagues. Not being allowed to smoke in federal buildings only adds to their anger, stigma and lack of control.

I could feel my judgmental barriers softening. My empathic, higher nature finally emerged and I agreed to lead the workshop. I suspect most of us have some areas of prejudice or judgmental thinking. In this mode we just see the negative; the glass is half empty, not half empty and half full. Reality often tends to be complex and double-edged. So this was a reminder that, by acknowledging our own history and biases, one can and should confront the smoking addiction and still embrace the nicotine addict.

As for that other addiction that afflicts even greater numbers...I'll just allow one of those cyberlists to put the spotlight on you coffee junkies. You know who you are! (The revenge of a tea drinker who lives in a neighborhood with three Starbucks in short walking distance from each other. And you wonder why Washington, DC is so crazed ;-)

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING WAY TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN.....

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- Your so jittery that people use your hands to shake paint cans.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- When you call radio talk shows, they ask you to turn yourself down.
- Your life goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
- You channel surf faster without a remote.
- You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
- You're up to four heart attacks a day.
- Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd's of London.
- You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
- You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
- Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
- You think Columbia would be a great vacation destination!
- You're passing everybody on the freeway when you suddenly realize: you left your car at home!

And, of course...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC and Financial Services Journal Online. And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com or click STRESS DOC HOMEPAGE. (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top- rated site by Mental Health Net.)

-- For his free newsletter, Notes from the Online Psychohumorist (TM) or for info on the Stress Doc's Online Coaching program, email stressdoc@aol.com