Singular Man

 A Humor From The Edge reader recently mentioned his plan to incorporate some of my poetic patter in a marital role play skit he and his wife are designing for an off-line couple's workshop. I feel ethically bound to provide a warning: when it comes to marriage, use my material at your own (and your audience's) risk! Or, at least, this is what a female attorney with whom I once had a personal ad date would have counseled, especially upon hearing that I, a member of that 40 something male species, had never been married. (Of course, having been divorced twice, one might infer that this lady was my photographic, if not psychological, negative. But not me. I will not resort to such personal ad hominem or women attacks.) What I will always extol is the importance of getting to know the individual; getting beyond stereotypic and formulaic thinking.

 Here's how I subsequently responded to Ms. Attorney's cross examination proving, once again, when it comes to defending the male ego, the stylus is mightier than the phallus! At least for this "Singular Man."

 How come you've never married, sir With flashing eyes that smile? For Miss Perfect so you've tarried Oh we're wise to your guile.

 A knot tightens in my throat Color flushes over my face. Single man, the true scapegoat For outfoxing half the race.

 Now Miss Blond Lady Attorney I know it's your nature to probe About my unlikely journey And whether I'm "commitment-phobe."

 "You just haven't met the right one," She notes with sly empathy. "I haven't been the right one... I've spared you from neurotic me."

 Why aren't kids in your dreaming As a father you'd be real good. And don't talk about wrestling demons From your inner childhood.

 Well I'm making up for lost time Having fun being center stage. But evolution's become a crime Crucified by scorned again rage.

 Maybe it is a "C"-word: "Commitment," perhaps "Control." Or, maybe life flows from the absurd Not by your timeline and goal.

 It's a kaleidoscopic nature Blazing my singular path. Contradiction confounds the culture And often generates your wrath.

 My folks also let me know it. I'm depriving them of grand kids. Such fine genes, hey, don't blow it Why is your manhood on the skids?

 Perhaps I'm used to my freedom I have a certain style and way. For those with infinite wisdom Go ahead, presume that I'm gay.

 So am I clinically selfish Or do I have a phobia? Maybe I'm fighting a death wish... A lifetime in suburbia.

 I just don't fit any label I'm so hard to pin to the ground. From a tower of psychobabble Don't bother letting your hair down.

 But I'm open to a partner Someone to share that center stage: She's a gutsy fellow wanderer A travelin light in this Dark Age.

 Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's Stress Buster's Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com.