Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1) More Stress, Less Hair?
2) Upper Managment Malignancy

A. There is definitely a hereditary link in male pattern baldness. Of course, some men attribute their dearth on top to testosterone abundance. However, my rejoinder to those bemused by my loss of hair has a moral air: "You should be more respectful of my hair...It was recently included in the World Wildlife Fund's Endangered Species List." How's that...both politically and folliclely correct! Actually, the number of women who email me this question is noteworthy. For example, I'm reminded years ago of a female paralegal client who's most vivid symptom was hair thinning along with fallout. She was in a dysfunctional relationship with a popular local newspaper columnist who was an alcohol and marijuana abuser. Despite being bright, competent, attractive, her self-esteem had plummeted. She was isolating herself and becoming increasingly depressed. With encouragement she began a Prozac trial. As her mood stabilized, she started talking to family members about her shame at being in such a dysfunctional situation. She got closer to an older sister who gave her a membership to a fitness center. Also, revisiting and grieving the death of her father, who died when my client was in her 20s, became a trial run for her eventual separation from her emotionally abusive partner. And I still can recall her pronouncement that signaled the mind-body tide had irreversibly turned: her hair was growing back as thick as ever! (A final note. I also had her do some guerilla research on stress in her law firm: most of the attorneys, female and male, had Grecian Formula 44 hair coloring in their desk drawers. ;-)

Q. Talk about a stressful work environment . . . how about receptionists who never answer the phones till after 11:00 am -- because they are too busy beautifying themselves; or talking to friends or boyfriends. Many of my clients have refused to return -- due to the front desk's indifference; lack of communication and inability to schedule early morning appointments. Forget about calling the client to remind them that they may be running late. Except for the fact that I have many foreign clients with whom I share intelligent conversation, I would have been out of there long ago...What a bloody pain in the arse . . .

A. While I understand your frustration with unresponsive and preoccupied receptionists, I lay the major responsibility at the feet of indifferent management. This organizational pattern invariably spells danger. When this kind of irresponsible behavior and unsatisfactory job performance is tolerated, it's like creating a climate that ignores or denies a tumor. Predictably, the tumor and it's impact proliferates. Now the organization has malignancy, malingering and malcontents running rampant.

Why is this dysfunctionality tolerated? Often it's because supervisors or managers (busy, lazy, short-sighted, etc.) don't want to confront tension or conflict. (Of course, they minimize and insulate themselves from the amount of stress on the workfloor.) They don't want to struggle through the paper trail documentation. Perhaps they have been burned by a grievance procedure. Some manager's deny how disruptive the "up and down" behavior of an employee can be. Alas, I recall a supervisor increasingly urging her branch manager for more support with an unstable employee...to no avail. Until, one day, this disturbed individual pulls a knife on her. Clearly, supervisors and managers need training in quickly recognizing and professionally responding to "stress carriers" and cancer-breeding work environments. Remember, Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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