Stress Nuts

 A reader apparently triggered by my recent column on school and peer anxieties for teens, resurrects some wonderful memories about the value of childhood friendships throughout her life, but especially in time of need. Tina (Im Smrnite@aol.com) for your poignant sharing and sage advice, you've made it to the StressDoc StressBuster's Club. Just think of it as a little l agniappe (N'Awlins for a little extra) for your just desserts. Let's go to Tina's heartfelt words.

 When I was in high school I hung out with a very tight knit group of people. Most of us met in Junior High School although a few of us had been friends since we were as young as 5. As you can imagine, as teenagers, every little problem seemed so incredibly tramatic. We found ourselves dealing with everything from not having rides to the movies and what we thought were broken friendships, to divorce and finding out a parent isn't really our birth parent. How did we deal with it all? Well, besides spending countless hours on the phone with each other (as all teens do) talking out our problems with peers...We would make our way down to McDonalds for a strawberry sundae with nuts.

 Now for some reason the nuts were important. Even those that normally would not put them on their sundae were inclined to do so in times of stress. We would get the sundae and then sit and talk things through as we ate. This tradition stayed with us for quite some time after high school. I remember a time when I was 22, my marriage was falling apart, I had just recently become unemployed, was about to be evicted because my husband cleaned out our account on his way out the door... and to top it all off, I had a new born baby depending on me. I was sitting home feeling depressed and refusing to answer the phone, when appearing at my door like an angel out of heaven was one of my girlfriends complete with strawberry sundae with EXTRA nuts. We laughed and cried until dawn.... In the end, I was still getting a divorce; however, life seemed worth hanging on to.

 Now I can look back with excellent hindsight and see that it wasn't the ice cream or the strawberries or even the nuts that kept us sane, it was the fellowship. You see as children we learned to open up to our friends, we trusted freely. How many times were we betrayed by a best friend growing up? We hated them at the moment, yet two weeks later, the fight is forgotten and we were best friends again. We confided in each other..... we shared. As adults some how we've lost that ability. We have learned not to trust those backstabbing women, or even worse, as men, we've learned to not show our emotions. We've come to a point where (and saying this, I'm still very glad you are there for those that need you) we need to pay someone 30, 40 or 50 dollars an hour (Editor: I'm afraid those are '60s prices, Tina) to do what our friends used to do out of love and friendship.... what, as children came so naturally: LISTEN, and offer what advice we can. If we had no advice, then...(the) healing (of) a hug, a smile of reasurance or even shared tears. I'm lucky I still have most of my childhood friends, although most of us are seperated by miles. Hey... there's a McDonalds in every town.

 The moral: You can go a bit nuts and still...Practice Safe Stress!

 Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

 Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych . His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com