The Stress Doc reflects on the contrasts between his present hometown in Washington, DC and his incipient spiritual homeland in Livingston, Montana. While seemingly on opposite ends of the geographic and cultural spectrum, this contemporary "Tale of Two Cities" may shed light on the search for a creative and spiritually nurturing existence.

Grappling with Complexity and Serenity in the Search for a Homeland:
A Millenium Tale of Two Modes and Mantras

From the fragmented to the focused, from the subway to the sublime…it's a millenium tale of two towns. Both ten-lettered words end in "ton" and contain seven common letters. The letters comprising the first two syllables of each location spell out a common everyday verb -- "washing" and "living." And geographically and culturally these worlds couldn't be more different. Yet, I'm determined to forge an economic and spiritual interdependence between Washington, DC and Livingston, Montana. The former is the most power-driven and bureaucratic of old eastern cities, full of blustering hot air and ringed by monuments. The latter, a most spacious and bucolic old western and artsy town buffeted by cold sweeping winds and surrounded by mountains.

(Forgive this digression, I have a history of living in and conceptually playing with seemingly contradictory cities. For example, I was born and raised in New York City, then went into creative exile for many years way down yonder in N'Awlins. Eventually there were no more mountains to climb in the bayou and I had this urge to move to Washington, DC. I didn't understand this compulsion until I got there. Then I realized that if New York City and New Orleans had a baby it would look like Washington, DC. Of course, I can't vouch for its legitimacy!

Let's push this conceptual city envelope. Just imagine if New York and DC tried to get it on. Think symbolically and big...think monumental. Can't you just see the Washington Monument trying to hit on the Statue of Liberty. And Ms. Liberty feistily replying, "Georgie, believe me...I like big men. You and I could probably rewrite all those Guinness Book records...But I believe in practicing safe sex. And where the heck will you find a big enough condom? And spare me the Goodyear Blimp. Please, don't flatter yourself." (Actually, I'm pleased to report, with the current refurbishing and scaffolding, the Washington Monument does appear to be engaged in safe sex practices. Also of note, this little conceptual chestnut was conceived years before the Clinton Administration. ;-)

Washington and Livingston: Diversity and Simplicity, War and Peace

Ah yes, Washington is always good for a joke and is the current home of Stress Doc Enterprises. It's a world of many roles and a wide variety of speaking, training, consulting, marketing, writing and shrinking engagements -- offline and online -- with organizational and individual clients. DC is the "District of Complexity," providing a diversifying, if not dizzying, array of experience and ongoing power-driven opportunity for expanding knowledge and skills, contacts and contracts. The concomitant challenge is avoiding burnout and fragmentation, and also arrogance. There are too many in DC, alas, under the illusion that they are more than just legends in their own minds. Still, if one can survive and thrive in this environment, there's the possibility of synthesizing this creative cacophony into an uncommon career path and enterprise.

Livingston, MT is where I shed my "Multi-Media/Online Psychohumorist" persona and embrace a newfound identity. Livingston is the first place I've resided when asked about vocation I say, "Writer." The significance of this, the fact that my heart is smiling as I write these words, is that the first twenty years or so was marked by a dearth of confidence -- no, make that feelings of inferiority -- regarding my writing ability. (Though I do fondly recall a passionate and prolific correspondence, a long-distance romance way before the days of email with a woman from Cleveland first encountered in a verdant park in Louxembourg. Thanks Diana.)

It's been a continuing battle to develop and recover cognitive skills and confidences long thought battered and bruised by childhood anxiety and depression. So creating a periodic writer's haven, uncluttered by multiple demands and tasks, in a world of beauty and serenity seems dream-like. Adding to the sense of wonder are some parallels (at least in my loose mind's eye) with my former land of creative exile - "The Big Easy." Both Livingston and New Orleans have their share of oddballs and outcasts, people who need a lot of physical and psychological space to invent characters and act out their own vision (or their hallucinations…it's often a fine line). These towns are for folks who want off the New York or LA Type A tracks. New Orleans was definitely the birthplace or, at least, the land of resurrection of my creative spirit. (And this southern muse influenced my western quest in another way: after sixteen years in New Orleans, a city below sea level, I definitely felt seasonally and altitudinally deprived.)

Let's get tangible…All it takes is a ten-minute walk from my residence, an historic turn of the century small hotel in the process of being lovingly renovated by the grandaughter of the original owners. Head down wide and sleepy Main Street, with mountains directly ahead as your guidepost. Then right at Sacajawea Park and Lagoon with the customary geese about. Except this park feels like a geese preserve. In fact, according to my hotel proprietor, a delightful raconteur, the town fathers tried to remove these hundred or so geese because of the endless scattering of geese poop. After relocating these fowl creatures many miles away, once again man learned not to mess with Mother Nature. Almost as soon as the trappers returned to Livingston so did the geese. Now people and poop mostly peacefully coexist.

And speaking of peaceful…on the other side of the road along the park and lagoon is an elevated gravel path. As one ascends the path, a startling discovery: the path is the top of a small-bouldered, thirty foot high levee. And directly below is the swift, white-watered current, one hundred-yard wide Yellowstone River. (A river and falls whose majesty I noted in an essay on my early summer trip to the National Park with the river's namesake...a mere 75 minutes from Livingston. Email if you missed the essay -- stressdoc@aol.com .) At this juncture, the river divides and curves around a sandy, willow tree covered island. One late afternoon, the five o'clock sun was painting dazzling, glittering golden crystals upon the dark blue now speckled back of this rushing, soothingly hissing, mesmerizing, sidewinding, river bending water serpent. All I could do was lean back on a boulder and stare transfixed at this visual and primeval kaleidoscopic hallucination. And when some inner calling lifted my eyes skyward the background panorama went from grassy foothills to sparsely forested slopes into darkly and richly pine-covered mountains, culminating in saw-toothed peaks. In fact, some of the scenes from "A River Runs through It" were shot at this very venue. (I want to read the Norman Maclean novel.)

And still, my big city ambitious voice cautions against becoming too blissed and self-satisfied with a permanent pastoral retreat. So for now, Livingston and Washington are my Yin and Yang "Tale of Two Cities." Diversified Washington captures the essence of the mystical notion of "Many in the One" (MIO) - the challenge of harnessing the diversely rigid, occasionally imaginative and all too chaotic human and organizational power and inertia. And Livingston yields the sublime egoless state of "One in the Many" (OIM) - a chance to quietly connect a soulful wholeness within and the cosmic wilderness without. Even more improbable, perhaps a fusion experience with another on the edge, spiritual homeland seeker. MIO and OIM: new complementary, matching mantras.

For a man who must grapple with paradox, with diversity and unity, pride and humility, solitude and synergy, being cyclothymic, if not a tad manic-depressive…time will tell if this bold and soulful experiment will yield "the best of both worlds" or a house and business divided against itself. Until then, all one can do is have faith, trust in that Stress Doc aphorism -- "I don't know where I'm going...I just think I know how to get there!" -- and, of course…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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