Tasha's Story

When I receive such a thoughtful and heartfelt (and well-written) response to one of my essays, I feel compelled to share it. Tasha5678@aol.com reminds us that workplace environments are radically different when it comes to: a) management policies and procedures, b) megalomaniacal personalities, c) the use or abuse of power and d) supporting or threatening the psychological health of the employee. But perhaps the most important lesson: Trust your gut and, as I penned recently:

Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the Phoenix we trust!

Tasha you've earned your Stress Doc's StressBuster's stripes. Let's follow your words to the wise.

Mark,

Regarding the lady who works for the "Type A" "witch" and your reply to her:

I thought all was well and good what you told her to do. However, since your newsletter is not only nationwide, but world-wide now, I thought you might need a little reminding that the whole country (or world) is not 'blessed' with the 'human rights' that you spoke of in your reply.

What I am driving at is that my last position was with a Fortune 500 international company, with the US headquarters located in South Carolina. The headquarters previously was located in Delaware, but was moved to South Carolina. Reason?

South Carolina (and most, in not all, states in the South) is a "Fire at Will" state. I am sure you know what this means. If not, let me restate that I was an executive secretary to a VP of this company. He was a bully, brute, asshole that terrorized the whole department. Male and female both received his anger on a daily basis. However, he definitely is a sexist man who made it obvious that women were second class citizens. My gut instincts picked up on this man and his traits during the interview, but I let his words talk me into disregarding my gut. (I now blame myself wholly for getting myself into this bad work environment. (Editor's note: It's not easy having 20-20 foresight. Sometimes we have to get burned to intuit and act on our awareness of the destructive energy. I hope you won't be too hard on yourself.)

My boss was indeed a grand bully. I mistakenly thought "it will get better. Wrong. He became more verbally abusive and demoralizing. He even went into a tyrannical rage and literally threatened me with the words, "I'm going to KILL you!!." He screamed it across the whole department...as if saying it once wasn't bad enough, He gloried in repeating it for the whole department to hear.

I, of course, immediately went to HR to have this matter addressed. HR __DID___NOTHING, but the HR manager SAID, "they were aware of the situation and were working on it". I definitely should have found myself a new job at that point, but I 'believed" the HR manager.

The situation became increasingly worse. Till I contacted two attornies... who said for me to "document, document, document everything". Which I did. Hell, "documenting events" was my JOB...so I had an excellent paper trail.

I went to prosecute. The attornies immediately backed off completely much to my surprise. I was confused but stayed on the job all the while hearing the 'scuttlebutt' that my boss' days were numbered. I was even told, "I heard that March 30th he is going to be fired..." Then it was June 30th...Then Sept. 30. So on and so on. I held on to the hope of those rumors since the company had great benefits, a good payrate, etc.

Sad to say, that no matter how much the stress was, and no matter how bizzare my boss' demeanor or actions, the HR dept did not do one damn thing. One day, on 12/08/96, I was so beaten down mentally by the abuse that I ended up trying to commit suicide. And was admitted to a "Charter" hospital.

That day turned out to be a great day for me. Because I then saw how incredibly destructive the job situation had been. Then I WAS ANGRY. Again I contacted lawyers! They were impressed with my vast documentation of events, witness lists, dates, places, names, exact wordings of the abuse.... witnesses who would testify to the abuse... But then they told me the profound news.

That South Carolina is a "fire at will" state. And that in this state, the boss doesn't have to give any reason at all for firing. They used the statement to illustrate their point:

"You mean that legally the boss can come in and say, 'It's Monday, You're fired.' and there is NO legal recourse????"

And the answer was, "Yes, that's right. There are NO laws to protect the employee, short of the OSHA laws."

I took this news very hard. I checked it out via several legal methods. All agreed. The employee in the state of SC has no legal rights.

Meanwhile, I got into counseling. Wrote a script of what I wanted to tell my boss. Read the script before the HR manager, VP of HR and my boss. Result?

The next week the VP of HR was reassigned to another division of the company overseas! And 3 weeks later I was fired! I was told that it was a "layoff" and then "for your own health, we're letting you go." How about that??

Turns out she was right. The 'firing' was great for my mental health. And I got a healthy severance pay and unemployment for six months.

The bad news is that since I didn't trust my gut in the first place, I allowed myself to be beaten down by a very abusive "God trip" Type A boss. Now I see a big difference between "Type A" and "God Trip" bosses. If the boss is just a "Type A", there's still hope of reasoning with him/her. However, if that boss now views him/her self as "God" of their own world...then pity the poor person who works under him/her. It took all of those six months of unemployment compensation to become even remotely ready to work in another job. Every time I would get an interview, I would have horrid nightmares and cold sweats the night before. My anxiety level was definitely not "normal". The counselor said I had a classic case of PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).

In fact, I have not worked since that day on 1/31/97. I am now in school (at the local university) to better myself and am pursuing my "passion" -- a degree in music. Money is tight, but I have had to do a GREAT deal of healing in my self-esteem and that healing has taken a lot longer than I thought. I now think about getting a part-time job to help pay the bills. And I don't have that much dread or PTSD when contemplating the job life again. However, there IS one tremendous difference...

I have uncategorically vowed to myself to "listen to my gut" the next time and WAIT for a good job to come my way (and actively pursue it when the time comes) instead of taking a job not right for me. AMEN!

After the whole experience, I realized that the last six months of my job were so catastrophic for me that most of my money was going to paying doctors anyway! And one day, when I dropped off my monthly COBRA check, I told my former coworker, "If I had to do it over, I now know that I was very wrong in hoping things would get better instead of taking things at face value. I shouldn't have worked one minute for that man. I'm worth more than that!"

And I am!

It was also somewhat comforting to hear through that ex-coworker that since I left my former boss went through 10 temps, and 3 permanent secretaries (in fourteen months) and now has a "male secretary" (Yes, I was right, that boss IS extremely sexist).

Now the beauty of it all is ....... I have severed all contact with people at the company...

Life is farrrrrr too short to put oneself through that type of living hell.

Mark, I tell you all this to say .. remember this "Fire at Will" bloody law the next time you counsel someone in distress. Tell the person to find out what legal rights they have in their state because this country is made up of states with incredibly vast differences in their laws.

Who said "Slavery is a thing of the Past?" They didn't live and work in South Carolina!

In response to her missive, I thanked Tasha for the thoughtful and heartfelt outpouring and sent her my "Four Stages of Burnout" and "Stress Doc's Stress Tips." (Email if you'd like a copy.) Here's Tasha's acknowledgment:

Thanks for the rest of the stuff you sent me. Ironically, my husband is going through the same situation now with his boss. It is incredibly sad for me to see him in such pain. I did refer him to a counselor who specializes in 'skills training' for the beaten down. It helped me. Hope it helps him too.

Actually, your stuff really zeros in on the exact situation. For this, I am grateful.

In fact, my husband's situation IS worse. Because his boss, the bitch from hell, IS the president of the company...and it is a small company of about 15 people. So there is no HR dept. No superior over his boss to keep his boss from going on the extreme "God" trip. And with each 'notch' that she jumps up that "God" ladder, she becomes increasingly more abusive to my husband. Thus, he gets more psychologically beaten down... and feels more helpless.

Actually the whole situation really scares me. But I can pray my heart out and, believe me, I am. I will also give this printout to my husband. I know it will help him!

Any other 'pearls of wisdom' that you have, feel FREE to send them my way!!!

Hopefully, Tasha, your husband will recognize the tracks you've laid, and the hard-earned wisdom you've gained, and will follow swiftly your lead. Hard work and good luck to you both. And, of course, keep...Practicing Safe Stress!

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