Parents of Teens Survival Skills

Followers of my column know I've recently been focusing on a serious subject -- "Coming Out of the Teen Depression Closet." And I probably have been empathetic to a fault to the plight of these teens. To put things in balance and humorous perspective, a mother reminds us how mouthy teens can be...And how proud of that fact she really is. Pam or Psynapses@aol.com, for your wit and wisdom, you certainly merit membership in the Stress Doc's StressBusters Club. Long live outspoken women. And, at least as important, outspoken women probably live longer...and, certainly, live better! Pam, take it away:

Hi Mark,

I am enjoying your articles on stress. Being a psychotherapist in private practice, a mother of 2 hormoning teen-age girls, and married to an MD/psychiatrist all combine to make me more a psycho than a therapist at times. Our children were raised to speak English, Spanish, and Psychobabble. Our daughters get back at us for being shrinks as their parents by using psychobabble similar to how grease is used on a Sumi Wrestler. It's difficult to be "in charge" of them when we have to hear their slippery backtalk, "Well, if you hadn't disempowered me by invalidating my healthy need to show emancipation from my overly intrusive parents, I wouldn't have to amplify my needs so much in the form of yelling at you......blah, blah, blah." Even now, I know if they would read what I just wrote they would probably retort with, "Good going, Mom...go ahead and minimize my attempts to evolve into an actualized self and go ahead and try shaming me into compliance. I just hope you and Dad have a nice trust fund set up for our future psychoanalysis." So basically, that is how our teen-age daughters deal with THEIR stress...by making a sport out of using their parents' professional language to straitjacket us. So how do I deal with stress? I watch with admiration as my daughters grow into beautiful, strong, opinionated, and yes....mouthy.....women. I also write a lot of fictional stories, pretending I could become a pop-up cartoon character if the hormonal brew in our home becomes too unbearable. I also take a lot of comfort in singing, "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and "Zippity Do Dah." In other words, getting out of my "head" and "losing my mind" help keep life in its proper perspective. Afterall, I agree with What's-His-Name who said, "Regression in service of the Ego is the antidote to stress and trauma." I may be 46 years old, but I can regress to a much younger state when the stress monster presents more than 1 head.

Staying In My Tree (but hanging by a limb), Pam Nagel (Psynapses@aol.com)

Thanks again Pam. As for regression, I totally agree: One of my favorite expressions: "You're only young once, but you can be immature forever!"

And, of course..."Practice Safe Stress!"

Feedback Segment: How about sharing your thoughts on how you, friends or colleagues use humor in dealing with stress, conflict or moods, yours or others, in your personal life, at home or at work? HFTE will run the best stories and, of course, credit you. (And the real lagniappe, you become a member of the Stress Doc's Stress Busters Club.) Also, email me to learn more about "The Stress Doc's" upcoming serious and humorous on-line support/chat group -- "The Frequent Sighers Club.

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge. Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych . His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com