The Stress Doc, under time constraints (and a visit from his mom) turns to his bullpen for relief - take it away readers. Here are some strategies for defusing stress and conflict in the workplace by getting adults to play like kids.
War Stories/Toy Stories
You asked for feedback on how humor is used in stressful situations, so I am sending along some of my tricks. The short story is that I will do almost anything for a laugh to keep from going nuts. Those around me are the sometimes complicit beneficiaries of my self-therapy.
Key background: I have a demanding job in senior management at a Fortune 50 company. I'm the oldest of 6 kids from a working class family that wasn't exactly the Waltons (alcoholic father), but we are all very funny. I worked my way through 6 years of college and grad school tending bar, and have had to cope with being a somewhat non-traditional female, especially as I moved into management jobs.
Although I use cartoons and jokes, of course, it is my knack for seeing and speaking up about the absurdities we encounter daily that makes for tension- busting belly laughs. I often say what others are thinking, mostly that the emperor is naked, which gives them permission to relax and agree. People who think DILBERT is a cartoon do not work for a large bureaucratic organization where conformity and mediocrity tend to reign.
I also use toys. I have several battery-powered "ray guns" with flashing lights and an array of sounds that I bring to meetings and use to facilitate. I put it in the middle of the table and anyone who feels the need can grab it and shoot someone else, or themselves, or whatever. A woman joined my staff some months ago who was initially horrified by this practice. She'd come from a group where they passed a koosh ball around and whoever had the ball also had the floor. WAY too polite and non-confrontational for my group. At our last staff meeting of the year a few weeks ago she grabbed the gun and pointed it at this long-winded pretentious guy and told him his time was up. We burst into spontaneous applause, and immediately showed her the secret handshake.
When I joined this particular group 10 months ago, my boss stopped by my office to escort me to our first staff meeting, where I would meet most of my new colleagues for the first time. When I did not pick up my ray gun and other meeting toys, he insisted I bring them. When I suggested maybe I should get to know these folks a bit before I revealed my true self , he told me one of the reasons he'd pressed me to transfer to his group was to infuse a little life into them. "Wake 'em up!" were his exact words. So I have.
Another source of humor is our rule that anyone who is late arriving for the meeting, or coming back from a break has to create and recite a poem of explanation and apology. We post the names under the heading "Dead Poets' Society," and are very strict about it. The poems are predictably dreadful, but the laughter and camaraderie are terrific. Not to mention the improvement in meeting discipline, since NO ONE wants to be the dead poet.
My office door is a constantly changing display of cartoons, little signs like "Attitude adjustment while you wait," and amusing stuff I create with those magnetic word kits that are sold for refrigerator poetry, etc. Then, in my office I have koosh balls, slinkies, those acrylic things with colored oils in them that make soothing designs when you turn them over, and an assortment of small wind-up toys which I use to explain such principles as "management by walking around.". I encourage people to handle and play with whatever appeals to them. The result is that people say, "Let's meet in your office - it's more fun." They bring visitors to see my door - it's a local tourist attraction.
I am 51 now, and have worked at something since I was ten. One of the key lessons I have learned is that the more I am my whacked out self, the better I get along. Pretending to be a serious professional bores me and everyone else around me. I still get cards and e-mail from people I worked with 10 years ago who say that it's just not the same around there without me. (Please understand I work hard and do an excellent job or I couldn't get away with my ray guns and borderline insubordination, especially with some of the humor- impaired above me.)
Well, keep up the good work, and if you use anything I've written here, please don't attribute it (protect the guilty).
And a suggestion from Pingbutt:
Here is an idea of humor in the work place that I use that seems to get things loose again.
I am an attorney in an office where there is a large volume of work. Everyone keeps their noses to the grindstone and rarely look, much less interact. I have semi-weekly meetings with the younger attorneys and try to keep them a little off balance so that they remember that they work to live, not live to work. I keep a toy gun in my desk that shoots foam disks (yes, I stole it from my son). When we have our meetings and someone has brainlock, they get it with the gun. I find that momentary bit of frivolity allows them to step away from the problem long enough to come up with the answer on their own.
I also have a Marvin the Martian from Warner Bros. and a can of compressed air (that you use to clean the computer keyboards) that serve the same purpose and are very portable so that I can take them around the office. I try to take some small amount of time everyday to "make trouble" and give the attorneys and staff some time, albeit brief, to relax. I think that it is important that the senior staff engage in some of this. I find that people relate more to me as "me" than "a boss", which many times uncovers potential problems that would not have come to the fore until it was too late. Employees find a level of comfort when they realize that you are not a stuffed shirt.
Some people think that if you engage in this type of activity, then you cannot command the respect of the employees. I disagree. I do not have that problem at all. When I need to get serious, then the employees know that fun time is over and we get to the business at hand. I am of the opinion that respect does not come from a title, but from how you treat others and how you conduct yourself. When I work, I work very hard and the employees see more of this then the lighter side of fun.
I enjoy this part of AOL and have found your observations exceedingly germane and very on point. Thank you and I hope this tidbit may be of use to you.
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Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge -- HUMOR FROM THE EDGE HOME PAGE . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych -- ONLINE PSYCH: THE STRESS DOC and Financial Services Journal Online. And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com or click STRESS DOC HOMEPAGE. (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top- rated site by Mental Health Net.)